Worst Teacher of the Year

What the hell is wrong with our elementary school? In general, I support all schools and teachers. I have deep respect for the hard work they do. But when something happens or is said that I disagree with, I stand up and speak my mind.  Isn't that my right as a parent? 

We have butted heads repeatedly over the years over a few issues: supervision and homework (or lack thereof). Every time there is an issue, my concerns fall on deaf ears. The only way I've gotten any concerns addressed is to go above their heads to the district.

Yesterday, I went to school for Special Friends Day with my second grade son. I was excited I could be there since the past two years I was a working mom and had to miss it. My mom in law was there too. We had lunch with him outside and then he started playing soccer with other boys since it was their recess time. My mom in law and I got to talking, and I didn't see what happened, but he came out upset and crying saying the other team was cheating and that one boy gave him a red card and kicked him out of the game. I told him there are no referees in the game and that another kid can't just kick him out. I told him to go back and play and that I would stand up for him if the boy started messing with him again. So I started paying more attention to the game.

A few minutes later, that same boy started fighting with another boy. They were kicking each other repeatedly, punching each other and slamming their bodies into each other. I watched and looked around for a teacher, but nobody else was watching. I stood up, called my son over, and broke up the fight by telling the boys to stop it. My mom in law took away the soccer ball because they were fighting, not playing.

I thought the school should know there was just a fight, so I sent my son over to tell a teacher who was watching the playground (with her back to the soccer field.)  In the past when I was working as a teacher, no matter what school or what state I was in, there was zero tolerance for fighting.  Kids had consequences.  I figured the teachers needed to know so they could handle it.  I watched as my son told the teacher, and I watched as she dismissed him and kept chatting with a mom with her back to the soccer field.  My son came back to the blanket, and I asked him if she was going to do anything about the fight, and he said he didn't know.  My mom in law and I looked at each  other in disbelief and sat there watching the teacher and wondering if she was going to act on the information she had just received.  No such luck, she continued to stand there chatting with a mom.  So, I decided to say something to her myself.

I walked over to her and excused myself for interrupting her very important (not) conversation with this mom and asked her if she was going to do anything about the boys fighting.  At first, she said she was just told about it and would deal with it later.  I repeated my concerns wondering if she was going to do anything about it at that moment, since there were adult witnesses and the boys were now dispersing.  She mocked me, slapping her hand on her thigh and using a fake voice to say, 'well, I will just get right on that! I will do something right away.'  Then she turned to keep chatting with the mom who was standing there. I stood there giving her a hard stare until she took some action.  She called one boy over, and I heard him say, "I wasn't really fighting."  So I replied, "yes he was!"  Then things took a turn for the worse.

The teacher then turned around and came at me with her finger pointed, raised her voice, and got in my face telling me that I have 'no control there' and that 'if I wanted to continue talking to her about this incident that I needed to go inside because I was embarassing her.'  She told me I needed to go inside so we could talk with an administrator, to which I replied that I'm sure it was very embarrasing for her since she was the only teacher on duty and kids were fighting and she wasn't doing anything about it.  Like this conversation with this mom standing there was more important that the safety of kids who were beating each other up??

So, I gladly obliged.  Sure, let's go inside and talk to an administrator, why not.  We go inside, and we find an administrator, and we sit down, and the first thing she says is, "I'm so pissed."  How professional?  Let me get this straight.  Two boys beat each other up.  No teacher is watching. No teacher does anything about it.  When I tell a teacher and ask her to act on it, I am the one at fault and am sent to the office.  SHE is the one who is angry, and MY behavoir is inappropriate, not the behavior of the fighting boys.  Really? 

She is the first to speak and unleashes with lies.  Apparently, I walked up to her and started yellling at her. Apparently, I attacked her, and this is her defense.  Whatever.  I got a chance to speak my side of the story, and after I explained the urgency of the issue in my opinion, the AP replied with, 'well we aren't into public humiliation, and we aim to preserve the dignity of the child, so I'm going to go on the assumption that you (the teacher) were going to look into it later.'  To which I replied that not issuing immediate consequences gives a couple messages:  that if you get in a fight at our elementary school, nothing is going to happen, and that the conversation with the mom was more important than the kids' safety. I didn't understand how they expected to get to the bottom of things later in the day once the adult witnesses were gone and the kids were going to lie about it. 

It was clear the teacher wasn't going to do ANYTHING about the fight.  She was too busy chit chatting with another mom to even care about what just happened.  The AP pointed out that we have a philosophical divide - that I expected immediate consequences, and that's just not how they do things at our school.  She did assure me there were consequences for fighting, and that they would look into it.  She did her best to defend her teacher, which is what she should do.  But, in my opinion, there is no defense of a teacher who turns her back on the report of kids fighting and who acts so unprofessional to a parent with a concern.  All she had to do was excuse herself from the mom she was talking to, call the boys over and deal with the conflict.  Is that too much to ask? 

Instead of the boys getting in trouble for beating each other up, I was the one who was out of line apparently.  I was the one sent to the office. I was the one she was "pissed" at.  What message does that send to the children?  She is the most unprofessional teacher I have ever dealt with.  I have never seen a teacher wag her finger in my face and yell at me over something the kids did.  In my opinion, she is the worst teacher I've ever met.  It makes me sick that the administration backs this and other behaviors in the past.  We still have three more years at this school, so wish me luck. I'm going to keep being myself and standing up for my kid and for what I think is right for kids in general.

Here's a quick recap of past conflicts:

1. No homework. They formed a committee of parents and teachers who decided homework isn't beneficial unless it's purposeful and meaningful (duh). So instead of assigning purposeful and meaningful homework, they decided no homework. I fought the battle again this year when my son's second grade teacher wrote home saying there wouldn't be any homework.  I opposed, and she replied saying they adopted the district guidelines.  I searched the district guidelines and sent them to her and the principal.  The guidelines are about high quality, meaningful homework, not NO homework.  The teacher and principal stopped answering me and told me to talk to the district.  I did. The district said they are NOT a no homework district, and they tried to tell me my school is aligned with their guidelines.  Once I sent the email saying there is NO homework, she said it must be some kind of misunderstanding.  In the end, she offered to send home a workbook that goes with the math series. That's all I wanted in the first place. I can't believe it was so hard to get some homework for my child when it was clearly available all along.  I don't appreciate being lied to either. I don't appreciate that the teacher and principal stopped being responsive.  I don't appreciate that they lie and do what is easiest on them.  It's absolutely ridiculous.

2.  Supervision: 

• Instead of hiring substitute teachers, they let parent volunteers manage classrooms for half days while the staff meets for PLCs (Professional Learning Committees).  Parent volunteers are only background checked in the state of Texas.  So a child molester from another state can easily be in charge of my kids' class one day just because my elementary school wants to save some money and not hire a sub!
• When my middle daughter was in third grade, her teacher left the class alone so she could take boxes out to her car.  It was toward the end of the year, and she was moving classrooms the next year.  So she decided to ask a couple kids to help and she left the class alone.  Well, my daughter had to go pee.  She is a rule follower and didn't want to leave the classroom without permission.  So what happened? She peed her pants!  Then the kids went running next door saying, 'we need a teacher, she peed her pants!'  My daughter came home humiliated. When I talked to the principal about it, she tried to appeal to the fact that I've been a teacher before, and she said you know there are times when you have to leave your classes alone.  OK, like maybe in an emergency, or maybe if you are having a bathroom problem, or something I can see running out for a few minutes if you have to.  But you are supposed to get coverage.  You are supposed to reserve those times to absolute emergencies.  You aren't supposed to leave your class alone to take things to your car. That is NOT an emergency! 

I'm sick of lazy teachers. I'm sick of lazy administrators. I'm sick of people around here being fake!  Do what's right for kids. Watch them with your eyeballs.  Try to challenge them. Teach them study habits.  And act when something goes wrong.  That's all I ask.

30 Days of Truth: Day 2-Something You Love About Yourself

I love that I'm a fast learner.  You usually only have to tell me or show me once, and I got it. 
This trait has helped me succeed in school, on the job, and in my hobbies like playing the guitar.  I've always been good at memorizing numbers and names.  I memorize phone numbers by using visual patterns from the keypad. 

Daybook



 

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com

FOR TODAY  August 26, 2012

Outside my window...it's a cloudy day. 

I am thinking...about the kids.  Sierra had a busy week with her sorority doing rush.  We haven't had much of a chance to talk, but she seems to be very happy.  She sent pictures from her newly decorated apartment.  Brent graduates from boot camp soon.  We want to send a present to congratulate him on his accomplishment.  It's been great to keep up with what his company is doing on facebook. They've also posted several pictures.  Zoe and Thomas start school tomorrow (seventh and second grade respectively).  Zoe is out with her gram gram getting her nails done and her hair cut right now.  Thomas met his teacher this week and is all ready for the new school year.  Zoe is ready to go back and see her friends. 

I am thankful...for my family and friends.  Had a fun time this week making new friends on a girls' night out and also visiting with neighbors at happy hour last night.  I am thankful Joe made partner at his law firm this week!  It was his first time up for it, and he made it. Amazing!  I'm thankful for plenty of students to tutor.  It's been really fun helping kids fill gaps and get ready for the new school year this summer.

In the kitchen...baked chicken, leftover meatballs w/ marinara sauce, going out to dinner tonight, so not cooking anything right now.

I am wearing...black yoga pants and a gray and white striped tank top.

I am creating...learning more about playing the guitar - this week learned more notes to play when soloing.  Here are a couple of the songs I'm playing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhcnKYvzfZc  (Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRsJlAJvOSM  (Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton)

I am going...to PF Chang's for dinner with my in-laws to celebrate Joe making partner.  They have a great gluten free menu, so I can eat there.

I am wondering...how the first day of school will go for the kids tomorrow.  Sierra starts college sophomore classes.  Zoe starts second grade. Thomas starts second grade.  He said it's his goal to make at least one new friend on the first day of school.

I am reading...

I am hoping...for more sunny afternoons at the pool before it closes.

I am looking forward to...the house being quiet tomorrow.

I am learning...trigonometry on www.khanacademy.org

Around the house...laundry and dishes need doing.  Our housekeepers came a few days ago, so all the deep cleaning is done.  Zoe (12) does her own laundry now. My challenge is keeping up with mine, Joe's, and Thomas's.

I am pondering...what meals to make this week.  It will be the first week back at school, and I tutor after school and the kids have sports too.  We will be busy!  I want to make up a plan so I will be prepared and not have to drive through and eat junk food because it's quick. 

A favorite quote for today...
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind.

Rodney Yee

One of my favorite things...yoga class on Sunday mornings. 

A few plans for the rest of the week:  tutoring after school and running Zoe to all her dance classes.  Thomas has early dismissal Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week. Taking him back in on Wednesday afternoon for assessment. 

A peek into my day...

Which Rules Are Made To Be Broken?

     Is your kid on social media yet? Did you know the minimum age to be on sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram is thirteen? I know so many people who allow their kids to fudge their ages to get on these sites. So many in fact that it makes my daughter stand out among her peers for abiding by the rules. I talk to other parents about it and the pressure it puts on my kid, and the common response is that they are 'almost' thirteen so it's ok. One parent even put the onus on me to keep an eye on his kid since I'm on and he's not.

     I'm a math person, and numbers are absolute. Maybe I take things too literally, but twelve is not equal to thirteen. It's like saying well my kid is almost sixteen so he can go ahead and drive or my kid is almost eighteen so she should be able to vote and join the armed services or hey my kid is almost twenty-one so he can go ahead and drink. Some rules are made to be broken, and rules are broken all the time. It makes me wonder which ones are worth fighting to keep and which ones are ok to bend. It's a personal decision for every parent, and it's a tough one in my house because I have two tween daughters. One is twelve wishing she was an older teenager, and the other is nineteen thinking she's a full fledged adult. I empathize with both of them. I've been their ages once, and I sure broke a lot of rules. The drinking age in DC was only eighteen when I grew up and thanks to a lookalike at high school, I had a fake ID and was able to get into bars and clubs to see shows on the weekends. Now that it's my turn to be the mom, I find it hard to teach kids how to follow rules when they see their friends breaking them all over the place.



     In Texas, there's this thing affectionately called the "bubba law" which says if bubba wants to have a drink with his underage kid he is allowed to. If underage kids are with their parents, they are allowed to drink alcohol. I swear it's true. I heard about it straight from a police officer when we moved to town. In Virginia there were specific guidelines about at what age and how long can you leave your kids at home alone. So when we moved to Texas I asked the police what their guidelines were. The answer was they have none...except for the aforementioned bubba law. It's interesting how things are so different in different places.

     When I was growing up, we didn't have the Internet or smart phones. These days elementary aged kids have cell phones and are hooked up to the Internet faster than you can say beware of the sexual predators. Kids are sharing their lives and locations online and communicating with as many people possible without really considering the dangers. It bugs me to see kids post screen shots of how many followers they have. Who cares? And do you even know half of them? Does it matter? I am getting off on a tangent now, but it's this kind of social media mania that makes my kid feel like she is left out if she too doesn't have a bunch of sites and followers. To try to pick my battles and meet her halfway, I created a second site with my information that I'm letting her use until she is thirteen. Only Joe and I have the password, and I've changed my iTunes password too so she can download any old app she feels like. I want to be aware of whatever she's downloading and who she is talking to. I think the people at Facebook etc thought long and hard about the minimum age and arrived at thirteen for a reason. At thirteen kids are still very immature and impulsive. They still need to be monitored and supervised. It's not like at thirteen you are all of the sudden responsible and able to handle your own Internet safety like we adults think we are. On that note, I keep mine private and am only connected with a few strangers for reasons I've decided with my adult mind are productive and positive. While she uses the temporary account, I'm trying to teach her how to use it safely and responsibly. If she blows it, she might not even get on social media when she is thirteen.

How many 'likes' do you have? And does it really matter?

How about dress code? Having raised an older teen and raising a younger almost teen, the length of shorts is a big issue at my house. The rule at school is to wear fingertip length shorts. It just figures that what's popular are super short shorts. Sierra and I went around and around about this topic when she was in school. She hated all the longer shorts and would decide to wear jeans instead. So that was that. She wore jeans all the time. Zoe doesn't like the longer shorts either, and I know both girls have taken short shorts to change into once they are out of the house. It makes me wonder why do the schools have a dress code if the parents are the only ones enforcing it? Why should my kid feel so much pressure to change into booty shorts because everybody else is wearing them? I'm pretty sure short shorts are an issue because it's been scientifically proven that the more skin you show, the more of a sexual appearance you give off. Schools don't want the boys distracted by the girls showing so much skin. Then you go to the pool or the beach and women are dressed in the equivalent of a bra and underwear and it's ok (except for those Muslim women who have to be covered head to toe-saw some of them here at the beach and I wondered how hot they must be?) To meet her halfway again, I allow her to wear the short shorts anywhere she would also wear a swimsuit. But it's already a topic of conversation - will we let her wear them to school in the fall? My answer is would you wear your bathing suit to school? Nope. So I'm dreading another school year of apparently being the only parent who wants my kid to follow the rules.



These shorts are cute, but they are way shorter than fingertip length.



Who wears short shorts?

      Don't even get me started on the use of cell phones in school. Well ok, just this-the rules say bring your own technology for academic purposes. Teachers are supposed to take up phones that are out for non-academic reasons. So why are kids checking in during math class and posting to instagram with pictures taken in class and even skyping during the day? Why have rules if you're not going to enforce them?



What do you think about cell phones in school?

     Because of the bubba law, we allow Sierra to have drinks sometimes. Apparently it's our decision as the parents, and I look to the European model where wine is usually a part of life and kids are not raised to see it as an evil. She said because we are like that, she felt less of a need to go crazy drinking at college like some of the other students. But if there wasn't a bubba law, I'd be siding with waiting until the legal drinking age although I know that rule gets broken all the time.

Would you like some wine with your meal?

     I even lost my job being a rule follower. I was the only teacher on my team reporting accurate grades (not giving credit for missing work), yet I was forced out because of it. I enforced the school's rules and used the school's discipline system and somehow it was twisted around that since I used it, I obviously couldn't discipline. Dress code? That school had a uniform. Kids could wear black pants but not denim. Every day kids showed up in black denim, and I noticed it. One parent was so frustrated with me he asked to talk to me about it. He said he had three girls at that school and they have six classes a day so that's eighteen times a day they faced their teachers collectively. They all wore the same pants, yet out of eighteen teachers I was the ONLY one noticing it. He was offended that I was personally picking on his kid. I felt horrible for him because I could understand his frustrations. I couldn't speak for the other teachers. It was the same for the missing work problem. I don't make up the news; I just report it. But apparently following rules waves a flag that you're a problem for some reason. I don't get it. Why have the rules if we aren't supposed to follow them? Should teachers model rule breaking to their students?  Do I need to do a better job of letting things slide?  Then you run into a consistency problem.  If you let some things slide but not others, kids don't learn what to expect.  They don't learn that when you choose the behavior, you choose the consequence. 

It's funny that I struggle with this topic because I've been kind of a rebel for most of my life. I've broken lots of rules. I was even arrested for trespassing when I hung off the Triboro Bridge in NYC (with twelve other climbers and many support people) to protest ocean dumping of toxic sludge. I worked for Greenpeace at the time, and they are still famous today for breaking rules or 'bearing witness' in the name of protecting the environment. I don't work for them anymore, but I support them financially and participate in online activism and do volunteer work from time to time. I guess as I've aged and become a parent and a teacher, I have more respect for rules now. But there is a lot of gray area between the black and whites. Sometimes we should follow rules to the letter (like traffic signals) and other times it's ok to break them (like activism). As with many aspects of life, it's hard to strike the balance.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Triboro Bridge, NYC, NY 1988

Stop Ocean Dumping (Greenpeace Action)

Pearls on a String

     "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands."  ~Richard Bach

     When things are difficult, we are really learning. Think about it. If everything was easy, would you learn anything? Psychologist Jean Piaget referred to the unsettling feeling of learning something new as "disequilibrium."  When we already know something, we are in a state of equilibrium.  When we learn something new, we are in a state of disequlibrium.  Without disequilibrium, we don't learn anything new.  

Problem:  It was my second year teaching at a new school after returning from a six year hiatus to stay home with my son.   I lasted through the first year and through the transition to a new grade level and principal the second year.  It was the Friday before spring break on my eighth year of teaching, and I had literally just taken a pie to the face in honor of Pi Day coming up on 3/14.  We gave up the scheduled day of curriculum to celebrate Pi and have fun watching brainpop videos about Pi and Einstein and competing in a Pi memorization contest.   I went to the office to file some papers during lunch to meet a deadline, and my principal asked if he could see me. He handed me a copy of a letter and said they weren't going to renew my contract. He said that because I used the school's online discipline system for issues like missing work and dress code and other behavioral infractions, that I was being ineffective and was not motivating my kids to do work.   He also said it was because my teammates didn't think I was 'happy' and that I was not a 'good fit' for the student population. 
     Have you ever been told to do something and then gotten in trouble for doing it? Psychologists call it a double-bind. It's a no-win situation where you are damned if you do, and you are damned if you don't. Although shocked and blindsided, I realized in those moments that I was fighting a monster far bigger than I was. My crime was following directions, yet for some reason I was getting in trouble for it. I hung my head and cried for a few minutes, and decided that if he was putting me in that position, then I quit. I disagreed with the letter as well as the whole process of the team and assistant principals talking about me behind my back and planning to destroy my career without a benefit of a doubt or any willingness to help me in my perceived weak areas. It was clearly personal and political, and it was a bigger, more sinister monster than I wanted to fight. 

Gift:  I walked away with my dignity and integrity knowing I followed directions and worked as hard as I could to be the best math teacher I could be.  I am now able to re-focus my energies on my family and my health and not feel the negative side effects that come from working in a toxic environment.  I know that I forged meaningful relationships with the students and motivated them to work.  If you know me, you know I love math. You know I love science. You know I love kids and teaching.  This negative experience helped me to sharpen my focus and to re-examine my professional philosophies.  It gave me the opportunity to spend time reflecting on the past and how to use past experiences to achieve future dreams.  I will not lower my standards or compromise my integrity for a flawed public school system.  Instead, I will work for myself and focus on teaching math, one-on-one without the interference of a highly politicized work environment.  I do believe that education is the key to success, and that learning never ends.  I still aim to teach kids to love math and to love learning throughout their lives, wherever their strengths may lie.  I am focusing on expanding my private math tutoring business and opening up a website in the future to help kids learn and love math. 

     Why tell this story?  I want to set the record straight that I quit only because they told me I couldn't stay.  If any former students or parents are reading this entry, I want to tell them I did not quit on the kids.  I feel that they lost the most in this experience.  All of the sudden I was gone, and they didn't know why.  I heard from one of my students a few weeks after I left, and she said the administration told my students I quit because I got another job.  I want all the kids and parents to know I did not get another job.  I only left because I couldn't stay, and I didn't know how finish the year when I didn't know what to do day to day.   I want them to know it wasn't because of them; it was because of the staff and administration.  I still believe in the kids, and I still believe in education. I will keep being me and keep doing what I do regardless of whether this particular school wants me or not.  I know who I am - and I know what I'm about, and I won't let this negative experience destroy me.  I will use it as fodder to feed the fuel of my dreams.  These are all pearls (of wisdom) on a string. 

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHIr6OmUfqg
Ryan Adams "Pearls on a String"

My kind of heroine

I am the proud mom of two daughters. One is out of the nest and in college, and the other is a tweenager.  I've been both a working mom and a stay home mom, so I have lived on both sides of the fence.  Raising girls in today's world is a challenging and fulfilling craft.  I learn something new all the time from my experiences with my daughters and want the best for them in their adult lives.  I want them to feel loved and nurtured, yet I also want them to know what challenge and struggle feel like so they can know the sense of pride and accomplishment that comes with facing adversity and rising up out of figurative ashes.  When it's their turn to be mothers, I want them to have happy memories of their childhoods and a strong sense of themselves so they can shine as individuals as well as give their utmost love and devotion to their families.  There is no "handbook" for raising daughters, but I love this list of rules for mothers with daughters:  It actually brought tears to my eyes as I read it.

http://diapersdaisies.blogspot.com/2012/01/rules-for-mothers-of-daughters.html

Today, I braided my ponytail since it's in style, and I couldn't help but think of Katniss, the heroine from the latest movie and book craze, the Hunger Games.  Her character is introduced as a hunter in the woods in a post apocolyptic world.  She is from a coal mining district, wears modest clothing, and sports braids in many scenes throughout the movie.  To me the braids make her seem stronger, perhaps it's the idea of weaving three sections of hair together to make a stronger mane.  Three is the magic number, the holy trinity, faith hope and charity, tripods stand strong, tricycles are sturdy.  I braided my hair and thought of the qualities of a strong woman.  In today's society where technology is ubiquitous, girls have so many heroines in the media.  When I was a little girl, we only had one tv in the house, and classic princess stories and Barbies were my main female role models.  I've seen heroines change over the years and have been happy to see the emergence of strong, confident, smart female roles. 

Katniss from the Hunger Games is the most contemporary heroine I admire.  She volunteers to take her little sister's place in a fight to the death even though she is scared for her own life.  She is smart, humble, and true to herself.  She doesn't get involved with the initial bloodbath.  She takes her mentor's advice and finds high ground and seeks water. She uses her intelligence to outwit her competitors and plays to her strength, which is shooting with a bow and arrow.  Ironically, it's her willingness to risk the ultimate sacrifice and stand up to the rules of the game that changes the ending of the story.  She shows solidarity with the final competitor and saves his life.   She is strong and beautiful and smart, trifecta!

Hermione Granger is my next favorite heroine.  She is also one smart cookie.  Her character in the Harry Potter series is frequently studying and always knows the answers, both in class and to help solve whatever problem they find themselves facing.  She shows that education pays off and that knowledge is power.  She also shows that young ladies can be intelligent and beautiful and that it is possible for a boy and a girl to have a quality friendship.  She is daring and confident and keeps her cool in the most precarious situations. 

Disney started branching away from the stereotypical princess-waiting-for-a-prince theme first with Pocahontas and then with Mulan.  Both heroines struggle with family honor and loyalty. Both heroines risk their lives to be true to themselves.  Both heroines trust their intuition even when it's a different path than what is expected of them.  The Disney version of Pocahontas wasn't historically correct, but it adopted the story of saving her man's life (John Smith in the movie, John Rolfe in history).  Her father was the chief and John was captured and was going to be killed, so she put herself in between John.  She was one of the original activists, and I'm proud to note that my great grandmother was a geneologist and traced our family tree, finding that we are descendents of her only son Thomas Rolfe.  She shows us that we should take a stand for what we know is right.  She also shows us a deep connection with nature.  Mulan doesn't want her father to go off to war, so she pretends she is a boy and becomes a soldier to bring honor to her family.  She shows how to be respectful and loyal to your family.  She shows how to be brave, take risks, and to face her fears.  She shows how sometimes, it's important to put the welfare of others above that of your own.

Cut to some of my least favorites, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.  Cinderella goes from an unhappy, overworked, girl of little means to a lavish lifestyle as a princess.  Why? Is it because she went to school and worked hard to earn all of her possessions?  Was it because she made goals and took steps to reach them? No, it was because she snuck out, went to a ball, and caught the eye of Prince Charming.  He fits the lost shoe on her foot and presto, he wisks her off her feet into happily ever after land.  Sleeping Beauty and Snow White are pretty much the same story, minus the ball and the glass slipper.  They are both put under spells by evil characters and lay in repose for eternity until kissed by Prince Charming.  The magic kiss brings her back to consciousness and they ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after.  However, no kiss, no man, no happily ever after.  They are basically dead without a man.  What kind of lesson does that teach our daughters?

Speaking of dead without a man, Bella Swan from the Twilight series.  She is the most do-nothing heroine I have ever met.  She seriously does nothing other than fantasize and hallucinate about Edward and stare out the window in a deep depression when he leaves her.  Her whole life is wrapped up in a dead, cold vampire.  Very much alive Jacob is her best friend and is the opposite of Edward. He is in her life day to day. Edward leaves her broken hearted.  He's a werewolf, and naturally there is a rivalry between the boys for Bella's affections.  She is too lost in Edward to see the value of what is right in front of her, and she eschews Jacob in pursuit of becoming a vampire wife and mom.  She zones out at school and in life and in the end, she gives up her life for a male character.  Her life is worth nothing without a boy. That's not the lesson I want to teach my girls. 

Don't let life happen to you

Grab the buffalo by the horns

Ride the crest of the wave

NOLS Spring Semester in the Rockies 1989

     This was the first day of the rest of my life.  I had never gone camping, cross-country skiied, or backpacked before.  I had no idea what was in store for me during the next three weeks.  There I was, 21 years old, late January 1989 on skiis with a heavy backpack and making tracks into the woods outside of Jackson Hole, WY.  The National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS), based in Lander, WY,  gave me and 16 other students a ride to this meadow and dropped us off with three instructors to begin our Spring Semester in the Rockies.  It was a 95 day semester broken into five sections:  winter, desert, whitewater, climbing, and horse packing.  I received 16 credits from the University of Utah in biology and natural history.  Winter section lasted approximately 3 weeks. 

     Just three years earlier in 1986, I graduated high school with no idea what to do with my life.  My high school counseler saw that I had gotten all As in French (4 years) and suggested that I major in French with the goal of returning to the DC area to work as a translator for the State Department.  I attended Hollins College my freshman year and then did a one year exchange program at Washington & Lee University my sophomore year.  At W&L, two of my friends (Jack Moore and Chris Walburgh) had already completed NOLS Semesters, and they inspired me to register for a semester outdoors. Chris (RIP Chris Walburgh)  http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?cropsuccess&id=100000216874433#!/groups/19639487026  , also told me about Greenpeace one day while we were studying in the library, so that summer when I returned to DC I responded to an ad in the paper looking for Greenpeace canvassers.  I went door to door raising funds and awareness to aid Greenpeace's campaigns (oceans, forests, toxics, nukes) and decided to take my junior year off from school and pursue doing a NOLS semester in the spring.  During my sophomore year at W&L, I started rock climbing with Chris and his best friend, Rick, but I had never done any camping or anything else outdoorsy.  There was something about Chris that I wanted to be like too. He was a deep thinker, and I could tell his outdoor adventures had given him something that I didn't have yet.  I wanted to experience it too.  I worked for Greenpeace until January, then I flew to Lander, WY to start a new adventure (much to my parents' chagrin). 

     We skiied during the days through pristine forests and camped in quinzhees at night.  It was tough learning how to cross country ski while balancing a big backpack.  The instructors dragged sleds behind them full of supplies.  I learned how to stair-step sideways when going up a hill on cross country skiis and when we didn't have our packs we worked on tele-skiing, carving beautiful curves in the powdery snow.  The forests were lush with fir and spruce and other evergreens.  It was quiet and peaceful.  Just getting from here to there required focus on the moment.  The rythym of my breath was loud in my head and strenuous tasks took my full attention.  We learned snow science such as avalanche forescasting, types of snow,  and wilderness first aid for hypothermia etc.  We built snow kitchens to cook our camp food and built camarederie with our quinzhee mates. 

     To make a quinzhee, it takes lots of snow and lots of hard work.  First, we made a huge mound of snow. Then, we literally climbed on top and stomped down on the snow to pack it down so it was very dense.  Once enough snow was packed in a dome shape, we used shovels to carve out a tunnel, first straight down, then horizontally to the dome, then straight up into the dome.  Then, we carved out the inside of the dome and a floor upon which to sleep.  The temperatures outside were 20-30 degrees below zero at night, and I think about four people could fit in one quinzhee.  Our body heat and subzero sleeping gear got us through the nights, but it sure was cold when we had to get up and night, tunnel outside and go to the bathroom! 

     Above is a picture of a snow kitchen.  We carefully carved out the snow to create a place to cook and sit.  We always hung up our sleeping bags on our skiis at camp so they could dry.

     This is a picture of some of the group members piling up snow in a dome. Jon is on top of the dome packing it down. The picture is a little blurry, but he is there.  As you can imagine, this process took some time and it came at the end of a long day of skiing.  Even though we were exhausted, we enjoyed working together to create shelter for our groups.

     It's easy to get a sense of the pristine beauty of the land from looking at this picture.  The snow was waist high in some places.  We trodded through it, creating corridors to travel from camp to camp.  Every day we came across beautiful vistas and breathtaking imagery in the snowy meadows, forests, and mountains.  My eyes were opened up to a brand new world.  Living outdoors for weeks during the winter was hard work, and I will admit I complained a bit.  Not only was I getting used to being away from civilization, but I had never faced such hardships just to exist.  I missed people at home, and I was tired a lot of the time.  I had always been athletic, playing soccer and doing gymnastics and cheerleading, but this kind of physical exertion was something I had never experienced.  I had also never been in such bone-chilling cold conditions.  A highlight of those three weeks was one night when we were sitting around talking and drinking hot chocolate, we got a gorgeous treat - the Northern Lights!   The sky was luminescent, a white/yellow hue, and it danced in streaks across the starry night sky.  We were in awe, looking upon the sky in amazement.  I had never even heard of the Northen Lights before, so it was an incredible learning experience for me. Talk about experiential learning! 

     Greetings from Canyonlands National Park, Utah.  After re-rationing in Lander, we spent four weeks backpacking and camping in remote canyons for our desert section.  There was a sharp contrast in the weather and landscapes.  It was hot and sunny, and there not a snowflake to be seen.  The landscape was dry and rocky. Shrubs, cacti, and brush grew from cracks in the rocks.  The sandstone canyons were carved by erosion over geologic time, leaving contours of the past to be explored.  I traded in my sub-zero gear for t-shirts and shorts, quickly becoming friends with the sturdy hiking boots and gaiters that protected my legs from the desert brush.

After dayhikes of around 10 miles through the desert, we stopped and made camp, frequently without tents because the weather was so mild at night.  We spent more than one night at this camp. It was my favorite one because of the beautiful wall curving around my sleeping bag. I felt sheltered and surrounded in beauty.   I wondered how long the rocks had been there and what stories they could tell me about time if they could speak.  It was surreal to sleep in a place that used to be under water, as was evidenced by the artistic curves in the rocks.  It reminded me of the passage from the Tao Te Ching:  "Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong."

I stopped to look back at my friends hiking behind me one day and saw the thunderclouds above them illuminated by the afternoon sun.  We were hiking across high plains with woodlands instead of down low in the sandstone canyons.  I remember my feet and back started hurting all the time during desert section.  The backpack was heavy, and the road ahead and behind stretched as far as the eyes could see.  As I rested and waited for my friends, I contemplated the smell of the sage drifting in the air and electricity brewing above.  I rested my weary muscles and found determination to continue step by step into the future.  What other choice did I have after all?  In these moments, I learned about pushing myself slowly through challenging tasks until completion. 

I felt on top of the world in this picture.  We came upon this vista on a pass through the canyons.  The round, pillar type sandstone formations in the foreground are called hoodoos.  The La Sals are the mountain range visible on the horizon.  My attitude shifted during this section. A former climbing instructor and friend advised me to 'always volunteer and never complain' while on my NOLS course.  During winter section, it was harder to do for whatever reason.  In the warm sun of the southwest, my mind opened up like a blooming cactus. I started going with the flow and doing whatever it took for the group logistics to run smoothly.  We learned about the flora and the fauna of the desert and explored the ancient Anasazi Indian history of the land.  We were challenged with a day spent in solitude and a four day small group (student-led) expedition.  I was voted by the group as one of four students who would take a small group from point A to point B where we would meet our instructors four days later.  It was a performance assessment, a perfect chance to show all that we had learned about orienteering, map-reading, travel, and survival in a desert landscape. 

We all made it alive, and met up as a group again to wait for the bus to pick us up and take us back to headquarters.  After four weeks, we emerged as a stronger group and stronger individuals.  Our clothes bore the sweat and dust from our travels and labor.  Those four weeks in the desert taught me to open up my senses to my surroundings and to value and respect the fragile environment of which we are all a part.

     Rock climbing was the third section. We spent approximately three weeks at Split Rock, WY learning the ropes so to speak.  I had some background experience in this sport, so I was able to take those basic foundations and apply them in my daily practice.  We camped in tents on the granite slabs, did morning yoga, and then after breakfast, we would head up to some top-roping areas for instruction and practice.  We had a varitey of practice with cracks, faces, single, and multi-pitch climbs.

This particular problem was difficult for me.  The route traverse slightly to the left and then continues up to the left side up the crack.  The problem is the traverse always resulted in the 'barn door' effect and I would fall off the curve in the rock before I could make it up the crack. I tried and tried again but was never successful.

Cenotaph's corner:  really fun corner route. I did this one repeatedly!

Rappelling class:  The hardest part about rappelling is all in the mind.  It takes confidence to sit back for the first time and give your body weight to the system.  It's counterintuitive step away from stable footing on the top of a rocky ledge! Once you trust that the system will work, it becomes second nature.  Just lean back like sitting in a chair and slowly walk down the rock using your feet.  The brake hand stays behind and below, and small amount of rope is let out at a time until finally reaching the bottom.  Learning to climb rocks and to rappell down them requires trust.  Trust is another very important life skill.

This is the site of our multi-pitch climbs. We spent many days climbing different routes in scorching sunlight as well as in rain storms.  These routes would take all day to complete as there were three to four pitches to get to the top and then rappelling and hiking a long way down.  I felt invigorated by the heights and exposure.  We had beautiful views of the sage brush plains below, a winding river, and mountain ranges off to the distance in several directions.  The skies were painted with color and with the dark rumbling of frequent afternoon rainshowers.

Here we are on the summit of one of my favorite multi-pitch climbing days.  We worked together building anchors and belaying each other. We encouraged each other when we hit difficult positions on the routes.  We believed in each other and ourselves.  These types of activities taught me to focus on the moment at hand and to learn to recognize fear and turn it into a positive power.  I learned to take difficult tasks and break them down into small steps, one move at a time.  I learned to listen to the voice inside that said, 'I can' instead of 'I can't.'  We smiled with this enthusiasm and confidence as we posed for this picture and then sat down to enjoy a well deserved lunch together on the summit.

Here we are at the bottom after a long hike down.  In one day, we had ascended to the heighest heights of our imaginations and then come back down to terra firma to rest and prepare for the next leg of the journey.  I felt so free and so happy, like I could do anything.  After three weeks together on this section, our friendships grew deeper bonds, and we all knew we were sharing special experiences that we would hold forever in our minds and hearts. 

The fourth section was two weeks long. We traveled to the Dolores River, CO to learn whitewater kayaking and rafting.  At the beginning of the course, learned how to roll our kayaks in a pool in Grand Junction, CO.  I hurt my neck doing the sideways hip-snapping motion while trying to pull myself up sideways from under water.  Sharp, shooting pain originated at the base of my neck and went down both arms when I tried to move them. I took motrin and sat out from paddling for a while until I felt I could give it a shot.  We were in class 2 and 3 waters, and once I joined the group again, I was able to learn how to maneuver the boat without ever flipping over. 

We took classes on river science and how to manueuver the kayaks into and out of eddies. We learned how to avoid snags and how to ride tongues of whitewater rapids.  We learned how one wrong move can get a kayak sucked under water into a hydraulic that will turn a boater over and over like laundry in a dryer.  We learned that if ever thrown from a raft to always point feet down river.  This way, a person can see what is coming and use the feet and legs to try to bounce off rocks instead of crashing into them headfirst!  We took turns being captains and paddlers on the rafts, both giving and following directions and working as a group. 

This is a picture of one of my favorite campsites along the Dolores River.  I love the U shaped river valley and the layers in the canyon walls.  I love the memory of our group camped along the river's edge, gathered in a circle sharing conversation.  I love the uninterrupted stillness of the scene and the reminder that water brings life to desert areas.  I treasure the remote nature of such an experience, knowing I will never return to that spot again in my life, but thankful for the opportunity to travel at the river's pace through the land and witness all it had to offer once.

My friends and I soaked up some sun on this rockly slab beside the river as one of our instructors played in the waves.  I can still remember the sound of the white water rushing by and the laughter in the air!

I took this picture of small group in a raft approaching this rapid just upstream of us.  It was a hot sunny day in southwestern Colorado.  The canyons were filled with small trees and brush.  The rapids offered challenge and fun around every corner.  River camping was not as difficult as some of the previous sections, although we did learn a lot about life in and out of boats every day!  We made an assembly line to pass supplies from the boats to and from campsites and worked together as groups to set up and take down camps.  I remember everybody finding lots of humor in the fact we had to transport our solid waste in ammo boxes.  We learned and lived the 'leave only your footprints' philosophy of low-impact camping.  We also learned about water conservation issues facing the southwest region. 

The fifth and final section was horse-packing.  What a way to end a semester.  This time, we had a horse between every two of us to carry our supplies!  We each rode a horse and took turns trailing the supply horses.  Here is apicture of our group stopping at a watering hole.  We rode along the Oregon Trail in Wyoming.  There were fields of sagebrush interspersed with Aspen groves.

This is my horse, Lil Doc.  She was the smallest horse in the group!  I am only 5'2" so I needed a petite horse.  She was sweet and mellow.  I picked a wildflower and put it behind her left ear for this picture. 

After watering the horses one afternoon, I took this picture of some of my friends and their horses as they walked back to our campsite in the aspen grove  that is barely visible at the bottom of the hill in the distance.  The afternoon sun was getting low in the sky, and we were done riding for the day.  It was a peaceful moment.

This is my friend, Pete, on his horse and holding the pack horse we were sharing.  We learned how to use the ropes and tie knots to secure the loads on the supply horses.  It was windy, and we wore gloves while riding to protect our hands.

Here we are at one of the campsites surrounded by aspens with their pretty white bark and golden-green leaves.  We were enjoying some laughs as we posed for this picture.  Pete is holding up my book, Illusions. It was one of my favorites to read on this trip.  It is still one of my favorite books!

This is one of the last pictures I took in the field. It encompasses the beauty of the rugged Wyoming trails we traveled.  The final section gave us a chance to relax a little and reflect on the journey we shared together.  When we finally returned to Lander, we had a celebration and each went our separate ways.  We didn't know what the future would hold for us, but we completed our goal and 95 days later, we emerged from the field as different people.  I experienced personal growth by entering an unkown world.  I broadened horizons within myself, learning about the diverse world around me and about my place in it.  I pushed myself through uncomfortable and unfamiliar activities and evolved into a stronger, more confident, and adventurous person.  Seeking ways to push myself further and stretch my limits presented opportunities for growth that I never imagined.  I opened up to unimagined and unexpected possibilities and left with the feeling that I could accomplish any task I could dream of.  I felt energized with a fresh view of the world and myself.