Olympics

Aren't the Olympics amazing? It's cool that the five rings represent the five major continents/land masses of the countries who compete and the colors are those that are present on every participating country's flag. I remember being a little girl watching the Olympic games in Montreal and Lake placid. My idols were gymnasts Nadia Comaneci and Nelly Kim. Every four years the Olympics come around and we get a chance to see the best of the best compete against each other for world titles.

It's cool to watch the opening ceremonies. The host countries share their culture with the world, and athletes from all over the world parade in amidst fans cheering and flags waving. Of course, my favorites are the US athletes since the USA is my home land, but I do love how the Olympics being the world together.

I can't help but laugh about a recent conversation I heard on the radio. One of the female DJs said she thought Mexico wasn't in North America. She said we are America, so how can Mexico be in America too? She didn't realize the difference between the United States of America and The continent of North America. At least she was humble and said she has always been bad at geography, but it's pretty sad that a popular radio personality doesn't know such basic facts.

My favorite olympic sports to watch are gymnastics and swimming. But I'm humbled by all the sports and all the athletes. I wish I was so good at something that I could be the best in the world. What an incredible idea and goal these people train for their entire lives. I enjoy the sports and the competition. I'm inspired to be better.

Allergy Update

"I've never seen your mom order the pizza before. I even brought lemons for her salad dressing" a familiar waiter at one of my favorite restaurants said to my daughter the other day. I guess that means I am a regular: he is used to my order (appetizer-caprese salad hold the vinegar, fresh basil instead of basil sauce, dinner-Mediterranean salad add grilled chicken no feta no olives no dressing, olive oil and lemons instead). I love eating at this restaurant because they actually have a few items I can eat on my no wheat, corn, eggs, and sugar diet. The problem is they also have brick oven pizzas that are really hot, fresh, thin crusts, homemade sauce, and have delectable toppings. I know this because someone in my family always orders one, and I almost always sneak a bite or two. This time was different. This time I decided to get the 'Super Mario' the equivalent of a meat lover's pizza. I used to eschew such foods because of the belly ache and rash that ensued.

It's been a while since I've written about eczema, my nemesis. The first allergist I saw was on Virginia, and he explained that allergies show themselves three ways: hay fever, asthma, and eczema/hives. Our immune systems are like buckets, and allergens full up the bucket until it overflows, and we have symptoms.

Up until a few months ago I was getting allergy care from my ENT (shots and antihistamines) and dermatologist (ointments for rashes). I've been diagnosed with multiple allergies, to environmental stuff like dust, dust mites, mold, cats, trees and grasses. Shots and nasal sprays helped and continue to help with the hay fever, but I kept getting eczema and hives. I got patch tested and was diagnosed with allergies to nickel, fragrance, and several other chemicals omnipresent in our society. I gave my house a makeover for dust mites and chemicals. I got my eyes tattooed for eye liner and switched to chemical free makeup, shampoo and conditioner (which are all very hard to find). Still I got eczema and hives.

I was tested for food allergies then told the tests are not reliable, and that elimination diets are the only way to know for certain. So I went on a major elimination diet starting in 2009 and discovered reactions (both digestive and rashes) to wheat, corn, sugar, and eggs. My skin clears up when I eat clean, but boy is it hard to eat that clean!

In April I started seeing a new allergist. I told her I wanted a tenth opinion because it's so frustrating to be me. I explained my long history with allergies and treatments, and vented my frustrations about not being able to eat like a normal person. Her philosophy is to help people like me learn to live 'out of the bubble' by identifying intolerances vs allergies and by managing symptoms. Since I don't swell up and drop to the floor with anaphylaxis, I think mine are intolerances, not true allergies. This is a good thing. Although the fear of the face rash keeps me from eating whatever I want.

Friends who suffer from eczema-listen up, this is the best advice I've received so far. It's called the 'seal and heal' technique. Take several baths a day. She said her worst cases take three baths a day. She told me to take two a day (I had blisters and cracking skin). Then apply ointments while the skin is still wet. I use proactiv on my face and triamcinilone on my body. Bathing (vs showering) allows your body to absorb water at a deep level. Think about it, drowning victims are bloated when they are pulled from the water. Ourbbodies absorb water through our pores. Applying moisture and ointments with wet skin seals in the moisture from the bath. I only use a towel on my hair now, and the result is that my eczema has basically cleared up. The dishydrotic eczema on my hands and feet comes back periodically, and I revert to bathing and medicating.

While I've been able to eat 'out of the bubble' and not have any eczema erupt on my face, the digestive issues remain. Because of my intolerances, when I eat gluten and sugar I get really bloated. Since April, I've put on a solid ten pounds. It's bad news but I'm also happy to have enjoyed some normal food. Whenever I feel uncomfortable with the extra pounds, I remember how good those cheeseburgers tasted, how cheesy the pizza was, and how much I hated eating 'in a bubble.'

The jury is still out, but I think I might prefer the frustration of not eating like a normal person to the bloated heavy feeling I have after eating what everybody else eats. Let's face it, the American diet is terrible!

Daybook

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY: July 25, 2012

Outside my window... Powder blue sky, a few lonely clouds, green grass, oak trees, manicured lawns and big brick houses.  It's still hot although it's 7pm.  I'm nestled in my comfy neighborhood back in Texas after a week in Florida. 

I am thinking...about so many things...the kids..the bills...my schedule...  I'm thinking about Brent at boot camp and wondering how he is handling all the challenges in his training.  We heard from him about a week ago, and he sounded good. He said he is learning a ton.  The Colorado theater shooting happened while we were on vacation, and I've been thinking about that a lot too.  The shooter...the victims...guns...going out in public etc..

I am thankful...Sierra made it safely on her first solo drive to Lubbock.  She and I are so different with highway driving.  I learned how to drive in Washington DC and have always been a confident driver.  She is scared of driving on the highways and has never made the trip by herself.  She looked up an alternate route that kept her on major highways without a lot of interchanges.  She went back to school early to get a job before rush starts and found a job waiting table right away! 
     I'm thankful Zoe and Sierra are getting along better now and have come a long way in developing their sisterly relationship.  I've always wanted to have a sister.  They are lucky to have each other.  They are seven years apart, so it's been kind of rough sometimes with both of them in different stages most of the time.  I think this summer they both realized what it's like to be in the other one's shoes and are starting to understand how lucky they are to have sisters even though there is a big age gap.
     I'm thankful for getting to spend today with Thomas (since Sierra left for college and Zoe is sleeping over at Joe's mom's).  He is such a good sport when I want to drag him around for girl stuff like getting my nails done today and registering Zoe for dance classes.  We had some lunch and went to the pool.  He said, "hey mommy - win/win - you can swim laps and I can go down the waterslides!"  He joined me in the lap lane for a while and then we played in the family swim area too.  He is working on going all the way across the pool and today asked if I thought he might be able to become an Olympic swimmer one day.  I told him he can be anything he wants. It just takes work and practice.  He seems turned onto the idea of exercising today.  That's awesome. 
     I'm thankful for Joe.  He is my rock, my soft place to land, and my person.  He is the strong husband and father in the family.  He takes care of all of us. He works really hard to support us and the lifestyle we have.  He loves me just they way I am and supports me in whatever I want to do.

I am learning... to develop my blogging habit.  I've been working on it off and on over the years and now that I'm home full time again, it's fun to get back to writing down some of the many thoughts that run through my complicated mind.  It gives me a way to structure my thinking and to share my thoughts with my friends. 
     I'm still learning guitar.  I downloaded the Ultimate Guitar app on my iPhone and I love looking up songs that I hear to play.  I'm getting better, but I still have a long way to go.  I would still love to get better on my electric guitar, just need to carve out more time to practice.
     I'm also learning Trigonometry.  I need to write a blog about my love affair with math to explain my history, but suffice it to say I didn't know I liked math or was good at it until I became a teacher.  I want to go back and keep taking classes as time allows.  I've downloaded the Trignometry class from Khan Academy on my iPhone too, and I watch the online lessons and do the practice problems.

In the kitchen...grass fed beef is thawing.  Thomas wants Hamburger Helper Stroganoff tonight (yuck!), so I will probably stir fry some veggies with the meat separately and then make the stroganoff with the rest of it. 

I am wearing... my bikini (we just got home from the pool), black nike shorts, and a lime green tank top that says LIVE LOVE SURF Pensacola <3

I am creating... this blog!  Working on writing about my life and my thoughts without fear of who reads it. 

I am going... to PT tomorrow.  Still having lots of back pain, working on core stabilization and spinal strengthening. 

I am reading...can you believe I'm still on Hunger Games? I think I started it months ago. I'm almost at the end, but I hate reading fiction!  HAHA.  I like to read, but I gravitate to non-fiction.  I have to work on my fictional reading habit just like I have to work on my writing habit.  I'm so much more of a math and science person.  I read a ton of news articles and non-fictional stuff every day, but I admit reading fiction is like pulling teeth.  I saw Hunger Games, and I liked it and heard the books are better, so I'm trying.  I'm toward the end where Katniss and Peeta are still in the cave. She has the extra supplies and his leg is healing, but they are still there.  I've seen the movie, so I don't really care to finish the book, but I heard the book is different, so I do still want to finish it sometime.

I am wondering... how to handle a situation with my mom.  We've had a long history together, and although I know she loves me, I am not able to have a relationship with her.  We haven't spoken since Thanksgiving. She came here and got really upset and changed her ticket and left early then blamed everything on me.  It's very complicated. I hate that we don't have a relationship but I don't know how to fix it.

I am hoping... to lose about ten pounds.  I will write a separate post about diet and my allergies.

I am pondering... what makes some people so into facebook and others not.  The other day, Joe and I were talking about facebook like we often do.  I'm a big fan and am an active user.  I have lived in many places and experienced many things, and I know people all over the world whom I communicate with via facebook.  I've always been an extrovert, so it makes sense that I love social media.  I connect with people in real life too, but seriously I have many friends who live in facebook land, and without facebook I wouldn't be able to keep in touch, see pictures of their kids, or hear about their lives.  I frequently tell Joe about things I post and ask him if he has seen them.  His usual answer is no.  If something's important, I'll ask him to go and look at it and tell me what he thinks about it.  Since I've been blogging again recently, I decided to also create a facebook 'fan' page for my blog...not so much to amass fans (although that would be great) but to have one place for all my blog posts instead of having them mixed throughout my timeline obscured by other posts about what I'm doing or what I'm listening to or links to other interesting sites or pictures I've posted.  When you create a page, you invite people to 'like' it so they will get your posts in their news feeds.  I invited all my facebook friends to like my page, and I noticed my husband, my most important person in the world didn't like it yet, so I asked him if he got the invitation or if he had read any of my recent posts.  His response was, "I never think to check facebook."  I was speechless.  The words echoed in my head again as I struggled to understand them.  We don't live on the same planet.  I have to try NOT to check facebook too much.  How can people never think to check facebook?  My first impulse is to explain it by saying he has both his parents and had his needs met as a child, so that must be why he doesn't reach out to others as much as I do.  (I didn't have both parents, I didn't have my needs met as a child, and I've always reached out to friends for connection and validation to compensate).  I've always been a "friends" person.  These days many of my friends live in the computer, so I'm always thinking about connecting and learning things and sharing ideas and expressing myself.  If you're reading this, you are probably like me. You're online on facebook or have arrived at my blog through twitter or the daybook or what have you.  I truly ponder what makes people so different on a basic level like that.  Why is it so easy for Joe to never think of facebook?  His answer is that he is too busy in the real world to care about the virtual world.  He reached over, poked my leg, and said, "I like you Susanne and I like Susanne's World.  I just like Susanne's real world."  That meant a lot.  It's real, and it counted way more than getting 100 likes on facebook.  I'm sure there is a happy medium between never checking facebook and checking it all the time.

I am hearing... Alaine, "Sacrifice"  I still remember the first time I heard this song, on the way down the mountain on our last day in St. John, USVI in 2007.  I thought it was Madonna!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ll1VxrFARU

A favorite quote for today..."Be yourself. The world worships the original."  Ingrid Bergman

One of my favorite things... got a mani/pedi today!  Thomas was happy to come along with me because the ladies let him sit in a massage chair. He loved it!

A few plans for the rest of the week: PT and allergy shots tomorrow, allergy shots for Thomas on Friday, a little shopping to get the kids ready for soccer camp next week. Grocery shopping at Sprouts!

A peek into my day

I'm Sorry

Words have power. Sometimes less is more. Two simple words, I'm sorry, can mend fences and heal wounds.

Kids learn to apologize at a young age, and even into adulthood, saying sorry can be a difficult thing to do. It's hard to take responsibility and be truly sorry for something without expecting something in return or following an apology with "but" and then continuing with blaming and making excuses.

Do you owe someone an apology? Say, "I'm sorry for ________." A sincere apology comes from the heart. Two words can speak volumes.

Guns

http://cnsnews.com/blog/ron-meyer/auroras-strict-gun-laws-didnt-prevent-shooting-if-one-law-abiding-person-theater-had

Yesterday's shooting is bringing up the issue of gun control. This article says we shouldn't let this massacre deter us from having guns to defend ourselves. The shooter was dressed in protective gear head to foot, so I'm not sure that he could've been stopped if someone in the theater had a legally concealed weapon. It's an interesting idea, but is that really the answer-arming more and more people in public places? Accidents happen all the time with guns. Kids accidentally get shot or shoot other people. My little brother in law told me last night he is strapped in public places but not when he is drinking. How can we trust that people packing guns for self defense will use the same judgement? It seems like a recipe for more disaster to me to put more guns in more people's hands, especially in public places. Take the movie theater shooting specifically, with tear gas in the air and mass hysteria all around, wouldn't it have been tough for people to tell who was the bad guy? I can just picture my little brother in there shooting at the bad guy trying to protect himself but accidentally hitting someone trying to run to safety. The more people you have shooting bullets, the higher the chances of innocent people getting hit. It's math.

What is the answer? First let me say outright that I don't have the definitive answer. If you asked me, I would say everybody should just love everybody and then we wouldn't have a need for guns, but I get it; that's naive and idealistic. But it's true.

The second amendment gave us the right to bear arms (for self defense, hunting etc.), but should it give us the right to buy automatic and semi-automatic weapons whose sole purpose is to kill many people in a small amount of time? Guns are already regulated somewhat. We can't go to 7-11 and pick up a rocket launcher or a bushel of grenades. But the question is where is the line drawn? How is it that people like this Colorado shooter and other like him can arm themselves with an arsenal and set out to attack innocent people? I get it that he planned it and pulled the trigger, but he probably would've been less effective without that AR-15. He could've still killed people with the shotgun and the handgun, but why was he able to secure so many firearms and ammunition legally and without raising any suspicion? Was he planning a major hunting trip where he needed to fire at a herd of hippos or something? Did he need to stockpile all those weapons and ammunition to defend himself against a home invader? Nobody thought twice about why he was buying the goods. He was able to secure all those deadly tools, and look at what happened.

Every time there is a tragedy like this, we tighten up security in hindsight. Airport security has been shaped by the 9/11 attacks as well as the underwear and shoe bomber. What's next? Do we increase gun control? Do we have metal detectors at movie theaters, grocery stores, schools, and every other public place?

http://m.nydailynews.com/1.1119173

This article says he is acting irrationally in jail and thinks he is acting in a movie. The underlying problem in my opinion is mental illness. What are we as a society going to do about the mentally ill? And how can we keep mentally deranged people from getting guns and other deadly weapons? How do we curb the desire to kill?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2176911/Dark-Knight-Rises-Colorado-Shooting-A-hero-died-saving-girlfriend-man-birthday-party--tragic-stories-victims-killed-Dark-Knight-massacre.html

These are the people whose lives were cut short. Each person has a story and a family. Each person walked into that theater for fun not knowing what violence would ensue. We don't think that way when we go out to movies or the mall. We trust that other people will act right and abide by the rules.

We can't go back and fix it. The shooter also cut short his own life by taking these actions. He will either be killed in jail, put to death, or live the rest of his life in a mental hospital. It's too bad he didn't get to a mental hospital sooner. I wonder what went so wrong in his life.

Regardless of where you stand on the gun control debate, I think it's easy to agree that guns shouldn't be used for acts of pure evil. I respect your right to have a gun, but do I have the right to be safe?

If Today Was Your Last Day

     Life is so short. We don't know when we will die. We come into the world alone, and we leave the world alone. Our births and deaths happen when they will. We don't remember what it was like before we were born, and we don't know what will happen after we die, but we do contemplate our deaths. If today was your last day, what would you do? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrXIQQ8PeRs

"My best friend gave me the best advice

He said each day's a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind

And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last

Leave old pictures in the past?

Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?

What if, what if, if today was your last day?" Nickelback

     We should all live our lives like today is our last day because it might be. Sometimes it takes tragedies like today's massacre in Colorado or the deaths of friends and loved ones to make us stop long enough to think about it.  I was especially moved by the story of Jessica Ghawi, an aspiring sports journalist who lost her life in the shooting. She had an intuitive feeling to leave a food court in a mall just a few minutes before a gunman open fired there. That was just a few weeks ago, and she wrote an article about the shooting and the effects it had on her. It made her realize the fragility of life and the truth that we never really know when we might take our last breaths. Seeing her pictures and hearing her stories, I got goosebumps. It made me think of those Final Destination movies (where there may be forewarning of an impending unavoidable death). It makes me wonder if our 'time' is predestined or if it is all a matter of coincidence or free will.  All we really have is this moment, today.  Tomorrow is never promised.  We have big ideas like bucket lists of wonderful trips to take before we die, but do we take the time to mend minor fences and to love people unconditionally each and every day? If today was your last day, would you be ready to venture into the great beyond? Would you feel at peace with your life? Would you have any unfinished business?



President Obama said today is a day for prayer and reflection. This is my reflection:

Why do people kill people?

Why do bad things happen to innocent people?

Am I living today like it's my last day?

What unfinished business do I have?

And this is my prayer:

Dear universe,

Thank you for another day of life on this precious earth with my family.  Please bring peace and strength to all the people suffering today and every day because of the loss of their loved ones. Be with the souls of the victims and bring healing to the world.

Amen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLgYAHHkPFs

"Imagine all the people living life in peace."  John Lennon

Which Rules Are Made To Be Broken?

     Is your kid on social media yet? Did you know the minimum age to be on sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram is thirteen? I know so many people who allow their kids to fudge their ages to get on these sites. So many in fact that it makes my daughter stand out among her peers for abiding by the rules. I talk to other parents about it and the pressure it puts on my kid, and the common response is that they are 'almost' thirteen so it's ok. One parent even put the onus on me to keep an eye on his kid since I'm on and he's not.

     I'm a math person, and numbers are absolute. Maybe I take things too literally, but twelve is not equal to thirteen. It's like saying well my kid is almost sixteen so he can go ahead and drive or my kid is almost eighteen so she should be able to vote and join the armed services or hey my kid is almost twenty-one so he can go ahead and drink. Some rules are made to be broken, and rules are broken all the time. It makes me wonder which ones are worth fighting to keep and which ones are ok to bend. It's a personal decision for every parent, and it's a tough one in my house because I have two tween daughters. One is twelve wishing she was an older teenager, and the other is nineteen thinking she's a full fledged adult. I empathize with both of them. I've been their ages once, and I sure broke a lot of rules. The drinking age in DC was only eighteen when I grew up and thanks to a lookalike at high school, I had a fake ID and was able to get into bars and clubs to see shows on the weekends. Now that it's my turn to be the mom, I find it hard to teach kids how to follow rules when they see their friends breaking them all over the place.



     In Texas, there's this thing affectionately called the "bubba law" which says if bubba wants to have a drink with his underage kid he is allowed to. If underage kids are with their parents, they are allowed to drink alcohol. I swear it's true. I heard about it straight from a police officer when we moved to town. In Virginia there were specific guidelines about at what age and how long can you leave your kids at home alone. So when we moved to Texas I asked the police what their guidelines were. The answer was they have none...except for the aforementioned bubba law. It's interesting how things are so different in different places.

     When I was growing up, we didn't have the Internet or smart phones. These days elementary aged kids have cell phones and are hooked up to the Internet faster than you can say beware of the sexual predators. Kids are sharing their lives and locations online and communicating with as many people possible without really considering the dangers. It bugs me to see kids post screen shots of how many followers they have. Who cares? And do you even know half of them? Does it matter? I am getting off on a tangent now, but it's this kind of social media mania that makes my kid feel like she is left out if she too doesn't have a bunch of sites and followers. To try to pick my battles and meet her halfway, I created a second site with my information that I'm letting her use until she is thirteen. Only Joe and I have the password, and I've changed my iTunes password too so she can download any old app she feels like. I want to be aware of whatever she's downloading and who she is talking to. I think the people at Facebook etc thought long and hard about the minimum age and arrived at thirteen for a reason. At thirteen kids are still very immature and impulsive. They still need to be monitored and supervised. It's not like at thirteen you are all of the sudden responsible and able to handle your own Internet safety like we adults think we are. On that note, I keep mine private and am only connected with a few strangers for reasons I've decided with my adult mind are productive and positive. While she uses the temporary account, I'm trying to teach her how to use it safely and responsibly. If she blows it, she might not even get on social media when she is thirteen.

How many 'likes' do you have? And does it really matter?

How about dress code? Having raised an older teen and raising a younger almost teen, the length of shorts is a big issue at my house. The rule at school is to wear fingertip length shorts. It just figures that what's popular are super short shorts. Sierra and I went around and around about this topic when she was in school. She hated all the longer shorts and would decide to wear jeans instead. So that was that. She wore jeans all the time. Zoe doesn't like the longer shorts either, and I know both girls have taken short shorts to change into once they are out of the house. It makes me wonder why do the schools have a dress code if the parents are the only ones enforcing it? Why should my kid feel so much pressure to change into booty shorts because everybody else is wearing them? I'm pretty sure short shorts are an issue because it's been scientifically proven that the more skin you show, the more of a sexual appearance you give off. Schools don't want the boys distracted by the girls showing so much skin. Then you go to the pool or the beach and women are dressed in the equivalent of a bra and underwear and it's ok (except for those Muslim women who have to be covered head to toe-saw some of them here at the beach and I wondered how hot they must be?) To meet her halfway again, I allow her to wear the short shorts anywhere she would also wear a swimsuit. But it's already a topic of conversation - will we let her wear them to school in the fall? My answer is would you wear your bathing suit to school? Nope. So I'm dreading another school year of apparently being the only parent who wants my kid to follow the rules.



These shorts are cute, but they are way shorter than fingertip length.



Who wears short shorts?

      Don't even get me started on the use of cell phones in school. Well ok, just this-the rules say bring your own technology for academic purposes. Teachers are supposed to take up phones that are out for non-academic reasons. So why are kids checking in during math class and posting to instagram with pictures taken in class and even skyping during the day? Why have rules if you're not going to enforce them?



What do you think about cell phones in school?

     Because of the bubba law, we allow Sierra to have drinks sometimes. Apparently it's our decision as the parents, and I look to the European model where wine is usually a part of life and kids are not raised to see it as an evil. She said because we are like that, she felt less of a need to go crazy drinking at college like some of the other students. But if there wasn't a bubba law, I'd be siding with waiting until the legal drinking age although I know that rule gets broken all the time.

Would you like some wine with your meal?

     I even lost my job being a rule follower. I was the only teacher on my team reporting accurate grades (not giving credit for missing work), yet I was forced out because of it. I enforced the school's rules and used the school's discipline system and somehow it was twisted around that since I used it, I obviously couldn't discipline. Dress code? That school had a uniform. Kids could wear black pants but not denim. Every day kids showed up in black denim, and I noticed it. One parent was so frustrated with me he asked to talk to me about it. He said he had three girls at that school and they have six classes a day so that's eighteen times a day they faced their teachers collectively. They all wore the same pants, yet out of eighteen teachers I was the ONLY one noticing it. He was offended that I was personally picking on his kid. I felt horrible for him because I could understand his frustrations. I couldn't speak for the other teachers. It was the same for the missing work problem. I don't make up the news; I just report it. But apparently following rules waves a flag that you're a problem for some reason. I don't get it. Why have the rules if we aren't supposed to follow them? Should teachers model rule breaking to their students?  Do I need to do a better job of letting things slide?  Then you run into a consistency problem.  If you let some things slide but not others, kids don't learn what to expect.  They don't learn that when you choose the behavior, you choose the consequence. 

It's funny that I struggle with this topic because I've been kind of a rebel for most of my life. I've broken lots of rules. I was even arrested for trespassing when I hung off the Triboro Bridge in NYC (with twelve other climbers and many support people) to protest ocean dumping of toxic sludge. I worked for Greenpeace at the time, and they are still famous today for breaking rules or 'bearing witness' in the name of protecting the environment. I don't work for them anymore, but I support them financially and participate in online activism and do volunteer work from time to time. I guess as I've aged and become a parent and a teacher, I have more respect for rules now. But there is a lot of gray area between the black and whites. Sometimes we should follow rules to the letter (like traffic signals) and other times it's ok to break them (like activism). As with many aspects of life, it's hard to strike the balance.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Triboro Bridge, NYC, NY 1988

Stop Ocean Dumping (Greenpeace Action)

Life in Beautiful Places

     I fell in love with the ocean when I was a child. We took trips to Virginia Beach and Ocean City (Maryland) in the summers, and I was the kid you couldn't get out of the water.  I swam like a fish in the pool in the summers and was on the dive team briefly at my neighborhood pool.  I've always felt at home in the water, and as I grew older, I gravitated to the beach.  My friends and I rented beach houses for vacation in high school, and the summer after my freshman year in college (1987) I lived at Virginia Beach and made a living waiting tables and being a 'beach wench' who rented chairs and umbrellas on the oceanfront.  It was a fun lifestyle, but it didn't seem sustainable or the way I wanted to live as an adult, so in the fall I returned to my sophomore year of college back in southwestern Virginia.  It was during those first two years of college that I started rock climbing (in Virginia and W. Virginia) and became close with two friends who completed NOLS semesters.  I wasn't satisfied with the path I was taking in school, so I took my junior year off to explore new horizons.  I started working with Greenpeace in DC and then went to Wyoming to start my NOLS course. 

Virginia Beach at sunset

     Before the course, I had never even camped outdoors.    The next 95 days, we skiied and snowcamped in Wyoming, backpacked and hiked in remote canyons in Canyondlands National Park, Utah, whitewater rafted and kayaked in Colorado, rock-climbed and horsepacked in Wyoming.  After the course, I couldn't stand being back in a city (DC), so I packed up my car and moved to Boulder, CO for the summer and worked for Greenpeace there.  I left in the fall and pursued a college education at an alternative school in Arizona with experiential learning.  Prescott College's motto was "The Southwest is our Classroom."  My education took me to many remote places.  All new students go through a 'wilderness orientation' hiking and backpacking for a few weeks in the Arizona forests and canyons.  I spent block classes skiing in Yellowstone National Park, kayaking around Isla Espiritu Santo (in Baja), and backpacking in the alpine tundra of Colorado.  During other block classes, I conducted a Mexican Spotted Owl Habitat Survey and a Bald Eagle Watch for the National Forest Service.  Situated in the high desert of Arizona, there was ample opportunity for day hikes, mountain bike rides, and day climbing trips.  It was incredible.  In college, I fell in love with mountains.  I also fell in love with wolves and wilderness.  I had dreams of pursuing a career in ecosystem management or wildlife rehabilitation. 

Granite Mountain, Prescott, AZ

Granite Dells, Prescott, AZ

     I was offically a student at Prescott College from 1989-1993, but I also took a year off in the middle (1990-1991) to live in Telluride, Colorado.  It was an experience like nothing I've had before and probably will never have again.  Telluride is a small town located at almost 9000 feet elevation nestled in the majestic San Juan Mountains of southwest Colorado.  The town is surrounded on three sides by almost 14,000 foot peaks, covered by snow for most of the year.  I worked at a bakery as a breakfast and lunch cook, and I lived outdoors like many other young people there at the time.  I was single with no kids, so it worked out fine.  I had a VW bus with a mini-kitchen inside and the top popped up for sleeping (when it was warm enough). Otherwise, I slept on the bed in the back of the bus and when I awoke in the wee hours of the morning being cold, I'd head into the bakery and quickly warmed up with hot tea and baked goods.  I worked through lunch time then had the rest of the day to hike, bike, and enjoy the scenery.  I spent my second summer there living in a tipi with my boyfriend and our five, yes five, dogs (wolf hybrids) up on a gorgeous mesa in the midst of aspen groves.  It was during my time there that I started wondering how in the world people could afford to live in such beautiful places.  There was a culture of people living outdoors there (called 'woodsies').  Working in a tourist town like that, the locals like me didn't make enough money to afford to pay rent much less buy a house there.  The only people I knew who had houses had them because of family money.  They were kind enough to host pot-luck dinners and to let friends use their showers etc.  Otherwise, I showered at the town park at the public showers or at the gym where I was a member.  For that one school year, it was ok.  I loved being in such a beautiful place and was inspired daily by the beauty and magnificence of the mountains.  Words can't describe being above treeline in Colorado.  However, I got bored and wanted to finish my education.  I also didn't want to live outdoors for another winter, so I returned to Prescott College and graduated in 1993. I missed having a house, a hot shower, a real kitchen and bed.  From that point on, I made it my goal to work toward having the stability and comforts of home, but since that time I've also felt conflicted because it seems to make enough money to have a stable life and a nice home, it doesn't always work out with living in a beautiful place.

Telluride, CO

Main Street in Telluride, CO  I worked at the end of this street on the left at Gregor's Bakery and Cafe

     My first child, Sierra, was born just one week before I graduated in 1993.  Her dad still had another year of school to finish, so we stayed in Prescott until he graduated and moved to Durango, CO to start our lives as a family.  He had a job as a river guide, but it didn't last.  I hit rock bottom and was forced to take any job I could get to make some money.  I worked at a movie theater and then as a waitress.  There were no professional jobs in my field (environmental studies) and since I had developed a case of chronic back pain, being an outdoor educator was no longer in the cards for me.  Our marriage quickly dissolved, and I moved back to my mom's house in Virginia and spent the next four years living in her basement, working for Greenpeace again in DC and then getting my master's degree in education.  Still feeling claustrophobic living in the suburbs and working in the city, I moved again, this time to Reno, Nevada to chase a boy and be near the Sierra Nevada mounatins and Lake Tahoe.  Chasing a boy is never a good idea, as was evidenced by our quickly dissolving relationship, but I did meet my husband there  at a gym in Reno.  I worked as a teacher and made just enough money to support me and Sierra and live in an apartment.  We left Nevada in 2001 so Joe could go to law school in DC. 
     I spent my 20s adventuring and exploring, and when I got back to Virginia and got back in touch with some of my high school friends and went to the ten year reunion in 1996, I will admit I didn't like the story I had to tell, and I felt jealous of my friends who had spent their 20s in school and working and had nice houses to show for it.  They might have felt jealous that I had all those amazing experiences, but at the end of the day, they had nice houses and comfortable lives, and I was still struggling in that department.  So, my priorities shifted somewhat then.  I wanted nothing more than to get married again, have more kids, and to secure a stable life in a nice home. 

Reno, NV

     Joe provided all that for me.  He excelled in law school and got a big firm job when he graduated.  I was finally able to be a stay home mom with our son Thomas when he was born in 2004.  We had a townhouse in the DC suburbs but were bursting at the seams with five people living in 1800 square feet.  That when we decided to move to Texas so we could afford a big, single family home.  His law firm was a Texas based firm, so he was able to transfer and since then he's moved to a smaller, medium sized Texas based firm.  We were able to buy twice the house (3500 square feet) for less than what we sold the townhouse for.  I stayed home with Thomas for six years, and I finally feel stable and secure.  But, like the saying goes, money doesn't buy happiness.  I still feel like something is missing, and when I go on vacation I feel like a whole different person.  I think what is missing is the feeling I get from being in a beautiful place.  Dallas, Texas is not really known for being a beautiful place.  It's flat, and there is no ocean anywhere nearby.  There are lakes, but I don't like swimming with snakes and other grody critters that live in muddy brown water.  The closest thing I get to communing with nature is seeing the beautiful sunsets and appreciating the pretty (man made) pond down the street from our house and riding my bike on the (paved) path that follows the creek across our town.  In those moments, I feel some of the same emotions I've had in the past with the wind going through my hair and the hot sun on my skin.  The trees are pretty, and the skies are pretty.  The schools are good and our house is nice.  Joe's job is good.  However, it shows me that as far as my experience goes, it's awfully tough to have both-a good job/nice house, and the opportunity to live in a beautiful place. 

typical view of a neighborhood pond in Texas

     Because of all my aches and pains and (16) surgeries, I'm not longer a hiker, climber, skiier, horsepacker, whitewater anything-er, or mountain biker.  All those things were checked off the list of things I can do because of physical reasons as well as economic reasons.  Living in a beautiful town usually means living in a tourist town.  Jobs are mostly service related and they are seasonal.  I have a family now and have worked hard to provide basics like food, shelter, clothing, health insurance, cars, car insurance, and of course all the extras that kids want/need in their lives.  I can still swim, though, and so our visits to the ocean are the highlight of my year.  I swim in the pool at the gym year round, but there is an entirely different feeling that comes with being near the ocean.  After a 13 hour drive to get here (Destin, FL), I'm amazed at the transformation that takes place inside my head as soon as I step foot on the beach.  The colors are amazing (white sands, clear turqoise waters, and powder blue sky).  The breeze blowing off the beach takes me to another place.  It's salty and sandy, and being in the ocean and looking at the horizon where the sea meets the sky humbles me and reminds me how small I am and how big the earth is.  It reminds me of my place in space, and my spirit feels renewed.  But it only lasts seven days...hence this blog post. 

Perspective:  Use it or Lose it!

     People live here. There are houses and schools and stores. People do get to live in beautiful places.  I just don't understand how to make both things possible in my life.  It seems like I've had to choose one or the other-living in a beautiful place or having a nice home for my kids.  I chose the latter and continue to choose the latter, but that wild woman inside me sure misses feeling close to nature and the passion and exhilaration it stirs inside.  I am thankful that at least I am able to reconnect with this beautiful place even though it's just once a year.  Maybe I will be lucky enough to retire near the ocean and be that salty old lady who lives to be 100 and still goes to the beach.  It seems like the best way to live-having provided a nice life for your kids yet staying inspired, at peace, and in awe of the natural world.

This Mom Loves Her Job

When I was little, I wanted to be a wife and mommy when I grew up. I think it's because I grew up with a single mom and a mostly absent father (who came around just enough to tease me with his presence). Christmas and birthdays would come and go without hearing from dad. When I got upset, my mom explained that Koreans favor boys over girls. It was a helpless feeling, and it made me want to build my own family (including a dad) in which all kids felt equally loved.
Fast forward to today. I'm blessed with three of my own children and one stepson. We didn't find and meet my stepson until he was seventeen, but I love him like he is one of my kids. I was a working mom with both girls, trying to make ends meet while I was a single mom and when Joe went to law school. I decided to stay home with my youngest until he was six and tried going back to work for two years. My middle child was in sixth grade this past year and was coming home alone and being by herself for hours after school. Growing up in VA and teaching there and NV, I'm used to sixth grade being elementary school. But here in Texas it is middle school. There are no after school programs for kids her age, so despite a bad feeling we decided to go with it and let her come home alone. I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say that it didn't work out. She was too young to be unsupervised all that time. She got bored and lonely, and I worked very demanding hours. I was not able to give my attention to my kids the way I would have liked to.
Since I decided to stay home again full time, there is a whole new appreciation for what it means to be a mom full time. In some ways, middle school is just as important a time to be there for your kids as when they are infants and toddlers. Yes they are separating from parents and peers matter more in their immediate worlds. But I've noticed a bigger smile on their faces and how much of the time I had previously spent being 'too busy' to talk or play games or go outside.
I work hard to balance me time with kid time, and the kids are learning to give and take in that department. At the same time, I'm modeling self care and also making it a point to do more fun things together with them. We redid our schedule and chore charts for summer. We have structured learning time and relaxed fun times. We brainstormed a list of things to do together.
I'm pretty sure my bucket (of self esteem) might not have been filled to the brim before I became a mom. That's my focus now, doing a better job of filling my kids' buckets before they are loose in the world. Mean people are everywhere (even in the adult world) and life is never easy. With enough self-love we can learn to rise above whatever struggles might appear. Being a mom is the best and most important job I will ever have!

Pearls on a String

     "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands."  ~Richard Bach

     When things are difficult, we are really learning. Think about it. If everything was easy, would you learn anything? Psychologist Jean Piaget referred to the unsettling feeling of learning something new as "disequilibrium."  When we already know something, we are in a state of equilibrium.  When we learn something new, we are in a state of disequlibrium.  Without disequilibrium, we don't learn anything new.  

Problem:  It was my second year teaching at a new school after returning from a six year hiatus to stay home with my son.   I lasted through the first year and through the transition to a new grade level and principal the second year.  It was the Friday before spring break on my eighth year of teaching, and I had literally just taken a pie to the face in honor of Pi Day coming up on 3/14.  We gave up the scheduled day of curriculum to celebrate Pi and have fun watching brainpop videos about Pi and Einstein and competing in a Pi memorization contest.   I went to the office to file some papers during lunch to meet a deadline, and my principal asked if he could see me. He handed me a copy of a letter and said they weren't going to renew my contract. He said that because I used the school's online discipline system for issues like missing work and dress code and other behavioral infractions, that I was being ineffective and was not motivating my kids to do work.   He also said it was because my teammates didn't think I was 'happy' and that I was not a 'good fit' for the student population. 
     Have you ever been told to do something and then gotten in trouble for doing it? Psychologists call it a double-bind. It's a no-win situation where you are damned if you do, and you are damned if you don't. Although shocked and blindsided, I realized in those moments that I was fighting a monster far bigger than I was. My crime was following directions, yet for some reason I was getting in trouble for it. I hung my head and cried for a few minutes, and decided that if he was putting me in that position, then I quit. I disagreed with the letter as well as the whole process of the team and assistant principals talking about me behind my back and planning to destroy my career without a benefit of a doubt or any willingness to help me in my perceived weak areas. It was clearly personal and political, and it was a bigger, more sinister monster than I wanted to fight. 

Gift:  I walked away with my dignity and integrity knowing I followed directions and worked as hard as I could to be the best math teacher I could be.  I am now able to re-focus my energies on my family and my health and not feel the negative side effects that come from working in a toxic environment.  I know that I forged meaningful relationships with the students and motivated them to work.  If you know me, you know I love math. You know I love science. You know I love kids and teaching.  This negative experience helped me to sharpen my focus and to re-examine my professional philosophies.  It gave me the opportunity to spend time reflecting on the past and how to use past experiences to achieve future dreams.  I will not lower my standards or compromise my integrity for a flawed public school system.  Instead, I will work for myself and focus on teaching math, one-on-one without the interference of a highly politicized work environment.  I do believe that education is the key to success, and that learning never ends.  I still aim to teach kids to love math and to love learning throughout their lives, wherever their strengths may lie.  I am focusing on expanding my private math tutoring business and opening up a website in the future to help kids learn and love math. 

     Why tell this story?  I want to set the record straight that I quit only because they told me I couldn't stay.  If any former students or parents are reading this entry, I want to tell them I did not quit on the kids.  I feel that they lost the most in this experience.  All of the sudden I was gone, and they didn't know why.  I heard from one of my students a few weeks after I left, and she said the administration told my students I quit because I got another job.  I want all the kids and parents to know I did not get another job.  I only left because I couldn't stay, and I didn't know how finish the year when I didn't know what to do day to day.   I want them to know it wasn't because of them; it was because of the staff and administration.  I still believe in the kids, and I still believe in education. I will keep being me and keep doing what I do regardless of whether this particular school wants me or not.  I know who I am - and I know what I'm about, and I won't let this negative experience destroy me.  I will use it as fodder to feed the fuel of my dreams.  These are all pearls (of wisdom) on a string. 

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHIr6OmUfqg
Ryan Adams "Pearls on a String"