30 Days of Truth: Day 4-Someone You Need to Forgive

I need to forgive my mom. We haven't spoken since Thanksgiving. It's a very complicated relationship, but I have reached the point where I need to set boundaries to protect myself so I can function well in my life. Instead of taking responsibility for her own issues, she lashes out at me and blames and criticizes me. If only I would do things differently or talk to her with different words or tone of voice, she would feel better. She engulfs me in her problems and relies on me to either make it better or worse. I feel caught in a double bind. If I talk to her, I'm hurtful somehow. If I don't talk to her, I'm hurtful. All her misery is because of what I do or don't do. I won't take responsibility for someone else's happiness. It's not my job as a daughter to make or break her sense of well being. The emotional volatility and manipulation with guilt are toxic to my life. So I don't know what to say or do to fix it. At thanksgiving she got so upset with me that she changed her flight and left early. I need to forgive her, but so far I have been having trouble.

30 Days of Truth: Day 3 - Something You Need to Forgive Yourself For

 

Day 3:  Something You Need to Forgive Yourself For

 



I need to forgive myself for not calling or texting one of my friends back the day he died.  Of course, I didn't know he was going to die that day, and I had a good reason for not returning his text the night before, but the facts remain the same. He died the next day, and I never answered him.  He left this plane of existence with me actively ignoring him.  I know it's not my fault that he died, but I can't help but think and wonder if the ending of the story would have changed if I had answered him.  I will never get to know. 

30 Days of Truth: Day 2-Something You Love About Yourself

I love that I'm a fast learner.  You usually only have to tell me or show me once, and I got it. 
This trait has helped me succeed in school, on the job, and in my hobbies like playing the guitar.  I've always been good at memorizing numbers and names.  I memorize phone numbers by using visual patterns from the keypad. 

30 Days of Truth: Day 1 Something you Hate About Yourself

I found this challenge here:  (thanks for the idea!)

http://debiehive.blogspot.com/p/30-days-of-truth.html

Day one is something you hate about yourself.   I hate that I have chronic pain.  My neck and mid back have been hurting since 1989.  My low back started hurting when I injured my ankle in 2007.  I've had a total of sixteen surgeries including seven on my right leg (two on my ankle and five on my knee) and go to physical therapy two to three times a week to work on strengthening without injury.  I get monthly massages, Chinese foot reflexology, and I'd like to try Rolfing.  It sucks to be in pain because it makes me grumpy, and it keeps me from being as active as I would like to be. 

Daybook



 

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com

FOR TODAY  August 26, 2012

Outside my window...it's a cloudy day. 

I am thinking...about the kids.  Sierra had a busy week with her sorority doing rush.  We haven't had much of a chance to talk, but she seems to be very happy.  She sent pictures from her newly decorated apartment.  Brent graduates from boot camp soon.  We want to send a present to congratulate him on his accomplishment.  It's been great to keep up with what his company is doing on facebook. They've also posted several pictures.  Zoe and Thomas start school tomorrow (seventh and second grade respectively).  Zoe is out with her gram gram getting her nails done and her hair cut right now.  Thomas met his teacher this week and is all ready for the new school year.  Zoe is ready to go back and see her friends. 

I am thankful...for my family and friends.  Had a fun time this week making new friends on a girls' night out and also visiting with neighbors at happy hour last night.  I am thankful Joe made partner at his law firm this week!  It was his first time up for it, and he made it. Amazing!  I'm thankful for plenty of students to tutor.  It's been really fun helping kids fill gaps and get ready for the new school year this summer.

In the kitchen...baked chicken, leftover meatballs w/ marinara sauce, going out to dinner tonight, so not cooking anything right now.

I am wearing...black yoga pants and a gray and white striped tank top.

I am creating...learning more about playing the guitar - this week learned more notes to play when soloing.  Here are a couple of the songs I'm playing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhcnKYvzfZc  (Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRsJlAJvOSM  (Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton)

I am going...to PF Chang's for dinner with my in-laws to celebrate Joe making partner.  They have a great gluten free menu, so I can eat there.

I am wondering...how the first day of school will go for the kids tomorrow.  Sierra starts college sophomore classes.  Zoe starts second grade. Thomas starts second grade.  He said it's his goal to make at least one new friend on the first day of school.

I am reading...

I am hoping...for more sunny afternoons at the pool before it closes.

I am looking forward to...the house being quiet tomorrow.

I am learning...trigonometry on www.khanacademy.org

Around the house...laundry and dishes need doing.  Our housekeepers came a few days ago, so all the deep cleaning is done.  Zoe (12) does her own laundry now. My challenge is keeping up with mine, Joe's, and Thomas's.

I am pondering...what meals to make this week.  It will be the first week back at school, and I tutor after school and the kids have sports too.  We will be busy!  I want to make up a plan so I will be prepared and not have to drive through and eat junk food because it's quick. 

A favorite quote for today...
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind.

Rodney Yee

One of my favorite things...yoga class on Sunday mornings. 

A few plans for the rest of the week:  tutoring after school and running Zoe to all her dance classes.  Thomas has early dismissal Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week. Taking him back in on Wednesday afternoon for assessment. 

A peek into my day...

Terms of Endearment

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086425/plotsummary

I watched Terms of Endearment the other night with Joe and Zoe. Joe had never seen it before, so it was on our 'to watch' list for a long time.  Zoe and I both cried a few times. Joe, not so much.  I don't know why I do it to myself, and I don't get why Joe doesn't feel moved by it, but I love watching this movie even though I cry every time.  It's touching.  I'm such a girl.

It's about life, love, and loss.  It's about the beauty and joy that life brings along with the sorrow and challenges that present themselves.  It's about family dynamics, between a mother and daughter, a husband and wife, and between mother, father, grandmother and children.  It's profoundly realistic, a movie we can all relate with.  No wonder it won awards.  Here is a list of some of the life lessons in this movie:

• Mothers and daughters don't always agree on things, but the lucky ones get along anyway.  They talk on the phone and try to understand each other when one is upset.  If they don't understand each other, they take time apart but love each other unconditionally. 
• Husbands and wives may love each other but don't always meet each other's needs.  It takes communication and dedication to the family.  
• Kids are damaged when they see and hear their parents fighting, yet there is unwavering love between a mother and her kids no matter what. 
• While all parents can't be perfect, we are all doing the best we can in juggling our desires and responsibilities. 
• Marriage is never easy. It takes compromise on the parts of both parties, but together you can take steps to do what's good for your family. 
• You are never too old to fall in love.
• Life can grab you by surprise when you least expect it. 
• When you find out you are going to lose someone, your entire perspective shifts. 
• When you do lose a loved one, you are faced with a choice of crumbling or doing what you have to do to continue living. 
• The spirit of a lost loved one lives in the hearts of all those who knew and loved that person.
• Life goes on.

Bo the Frog

So I was at FedEx yesterday and saw a bunch of these mushroom headed frogs for sale. Weird to see that at an office supply store. It caught my interest and I noticed the mushroom was an amanita mushroom (one known for its poisonous and hallucinogenic properties).

Why do I know this? I'm a huge REM fan, and a long time ago they wrote a song called Flowers of Guatemala. Here are the lyrics:

I took a picture that I'll have to send
People here are friendly and content
People here are colorful and bright
The flowers often bloom at night

Amanita is the name
The flowers cover everything
The flowers cover everything

There's something here I find hard to ignore
There's something that I've never seen before
Amanita is the name
They cover over everything
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/rem/the+flowers+of+guatemala_20115263.html ]
The flowers cover everything
They cover over everything
(Amanita is the name)
The flowers cover everything

Don't look into the sun
Don't look into the sun

The flowers cover everything
They cover over everything
The flowers cover everything

The flowers cover everything
They cover over everything
The flowers cover everything

There's something that I've never seen before
The flowers often bloom at night
Amanita is the name
They cover over everything

Once I heard that song I looked up amanita and have recognized the red with white polka dotted fungus ever since. I asked the guy at the cash register why they were selling those and he told me the proceeds go to protect forests. Cool. Then I asked if he knew those were hallucinogenic mushrooms. He answered "I guess if you're into that sort of thing." To which I replied, "well I'm not into that sort of thing but yes those are hallucinogenic mushrooms and I wonder why FedEx would choose that as some kind of mascot to support a cause." I don't think he knew what to say. So I took a picture, had a laugh, and got on with my day.

Joe had no idea what I was talking about when I told him last night. Apparently most people aren't aware of amanita mushrooms (is it just an REM fan thing?) in fact apparently Mario brothers has a character with a red and white polka dotted mushroom head.

Why are these companies choosing poisonous and hallucinogenic mushrooms to represent themselves? And why is the mushroom on the frog's head? Weird business decisions as far as I'm concerned, but whatever, it made me laugh!