Guns

http://cnsnews.com/blog/ron-meyer/auroras-strict-gun-laws-didnt-prevent-shooting-if-one-law-abiding-person-theater-had

Yesterday's shooting is bringing up the issue of gun control. This article says we shouldn't let this massacre deter us from having guns to defend ourselves. The shooter was dressed in protective gear head to foot, so I'm not sure that he could've been stopped if someone in the theater had a legally concealed weapon. It's an interesting idea, but is that really the answer-arming more and more people in public places? Accidents happen all the time with guns. Kids accidentally get shot or shoot other people. My little brother in law told me last night he is strapped in public places but not when he is drinking. How can we trust that people packing guns for self defense will use the same judgement? It seems like a recipe for more disaster to me to put more guns in more people's hands, especially in public places. Take the movie theater shooting specifically, with tear gas in the air and mass hysteria all around, wouldn't it have been tough for people to tell who was the bad guy? I can just picture my little brother in there shooting at the bad guy trying to protect himself but accidentally hitting someone trying to run to safety. The more people you have shooting bullets, the higher the chances of innocent people getting hit. It's math.

What is the answer? First let me say outright that I don't have the definitive answer. If you asked me, I would say everybody should just love everybody and then we wouldn't have a need for guns, but I get it; that's naive and idealistic. But it's true.

The second amendment gave us the right to bear arms (for self defense, hunting etc.), but should it give us the right to buy automatic and semi-automatic weapons whose sole purpose is to kill many people in a small amount of time? Guns are already regulated somewhat. We can't go to 7-11 and pick up a rocket launcher or a bushel of grenades. But the question is where is the line drawn? How is it that people like this Colorado shooter and other like him can arm themselves with an arsenal and set out to attack innocent people? I get it that he planned it and pulled the trigger, but he probably would've been less effective without that AR-15. He could've still killed people with the shotgun and the handgun, but why was he able to secure so many firearms and ammunition legally and without raising any suspicion? Was he planning a major hunting trip where he needed to fire at a herd of hippos or something? Did he need to stockpile all those weapons and ammunition to defend himself against a home invader? Nobody thought twice about why he was buying the goods. He was able to secure all those deadly tools, and look at what happened.

Every time there is a tragedy like this, we tighten up security in hindsight. Airport security has been shaped by the 9/11 attacks as well as the underwear and shoe bomber. What's next? Do we increase gun control? Do we have metal detectors at movie theaters, grocery stores, schools, and every other public place?

http://m.nydailynews.com/1.1119173

This article says he is acting irrationally in jail and thinks he is acting in a movie. The underlying problem in my opinion is mental illness. What are we as a society going to do about the mentally ill? And how can we keep mentally deranged people from getting guns and other deadly weapons? How do we curb the desire to kill?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2176911/Dark-Knight-Rises-Colorado-Shooting-A-hero-died-saving-girlfriend-man-birthday-party--tragic-stories-victims-killed-Dark-Knight-massacre.html

These are the people whose lives were cut short. Each person has a story and a family. Each person walked into that theater for fun not knowing what violence would ensue. We don't think that way when we go out to movies or the mall. We trust that other people will act right and abide by the rules.

We can't go back and fix it. The shooter also cut short his own life by taking these actions. He will either be killed in jail, put to death, or live the rest of his life in a mental hospital. It's too bad he didn't get to a mental hospital sooner. I wonder what went so wrong in his life.

Regardless of where you stand on the gun control debate, I think it's easy to agree that guns shouldn't be used for acts of pure evil. I respect your right to have a gun, but do I have the right to be safe?

If Today Was Your Last Day

     Life is so short. We don't know when we will die. We come into the world alone, and we leave the world alone. Our births and deaths happen when they will. We don't remember what it was like before we were born, and we don't know what will happen after we die, but we do contemplate our deaths. If today was your last day, what would you do? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrXIQQ8PeRs

"My best friend gave me the best advice

He said each day's a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind

And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last

Leave old pictures in the past?

Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?

What if, what if, if today was your last day?" Nickelback

     We should all live our lives like today is our last day because it might be. Sometimes it takes tragedies like today's massacre in Colorado or the deaths of friends and loved ones to make us stop long enough to think about it.  I was especially moved by the story of Jessica Ghawi, an aspiring sports journalist who lost her life in the shooting. She had an intuitive feeling to leave a food court in a mall just a few minutes before a gunman open fired there. That was just a few weeks ago, and she wrote an article about the shooting and the effects it had on her. It made her realize the fragility of life and the truth that we never really know when we might take our last breaths. Seeing her pictures and hearing her stories, I got goosebumps. It made me think of those Final Destination movies (where there may be forewarning of an impending unavoidable death). It makes me wonder if our 'time' is predestined or if it is all a matter of coincidence or free will.  All we really have is this moment, today.  Tomorrow is never promised.  We have big ideas like bucket lists of wonderful trips to take before we die, but do we take the time to mend minor fences and to love people unconditionally each and every day? If today was your last day, would you be ready to venture into the great beyond? Would you feel at peace with your life? Would you have any unfinished business?



President Obama said today is a day for prayer and reflection. This is my reflection:

Why do people kill people?

Why do bad things happen to innocent people?

Am I living today like it's my last day?

What unfinished business do I have?

And this is my prayer:

Dear universe,

Thank you for another day of life on this precious earth with my family.  Please bring peace and strength to all the people suffering today and every day because of the loss of their loved ones. Be with the souls of the victims and bring healing to the world.

Amen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLgYAHHkPFs

"Imagine all the people living life in peace."  John Lennon

Which Rules Are Made To Be Broken?

     Is your kid on social media yet? Did you know the minimum age to be on sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram is thirteen? I know so many people who allow their kids to fudge their ages to get on these sites. So many in fact that it makes my daughter stand out among her peers for abiding by the rules. I talk to other parents about it and the pressure it puts on my kid, and the common response is that they are 'almost' thirteen so it's ok. One parent even put the onus on me to keep an eye on his kid since I'm on and he's not.

     I'm a math person, and numbers are absolute. Maybe I take things too literally, but twelve is not equal to thirteen. It's like saying well my kid is almost sixteen so he can go ahead and drive or my kid is almost eighteen so she should be able to vote and join the armed services or hey my kid is almost twenty-one so he can go ahead and drink. Some rules are made to be broken, and rules are broken all the time. It makes me wonder which ones are worth fighting to keep and which ones are ok to bend. It's a personal decision for every parent, and it's a tough one in my house because I have two tween daughters. One is twelve wishing she was an older teenager, and the other is nineteen thinking she's a full fledged adult. I empathize with both of them. I've been their ages once, and I sure broke a lot of rules. The drinking age in DC was only eighteen when I grew up and thanks to a lookalike at high school, I had a fake ID and was able to get into bars and clubs to see shows on the weekends. Now that it's my turn to be the mom, I find it hard to teach kids how to follow rules when they see their friends breaking them all over the place.



     In Texas, there's this thing affectionately called the "bubba law" which says if bubba wants to have a drink with his underage kid he is allowed to. If underage kids are with their parents, they are allowed to drink alcohol. I swear it's true. I heard about it straight from a police officer when we moved to town. In Virginia there were specific guidelines about at what age and how long can you leave your kids at home alone. So when we moved to Texas I asked the police what their guidelines were. The answer was they have none...except for the aforementioned bubba law. It's interesting how things are so different in different places.

     When I was growing up, we didn't have the Internet or smart phones. These days elementary aged kids have cell phones and are hooked up to the Internet faster than you can say beware of the sexual predators. Kids are sharing their lives and locations online and communicating with as many people possible without really considering the dangers. It bugs me to see kids post screen shots of how many followers they have. Who cares? And do you even know half of them? Does it matter? I am getting off on a tangent now, but it's this kind of social media mania that makes my kid feel like she is left out if she too doesn't have a bunch of sites and followers. To try to pick my battles and meet her halfway, I created a second site with my information that I'm letting her use until she is thirteen. Only Joe and I have the password, and I've changed my iTunes password too so she can download any old app she feels like. I want to be aware of whatever she's downloading and who she is talking to. I think the people at Facebook etc thought long and hard about the minimum age and arrived at thirteen for a reason. At thirteen kids are still very immature and impulsive. They still need to be monitored and supervised. It's not like at thirteen you are all of the sudden responsible and able to handle your own Internet safety like we adults think we are. On that note, I keep mine private and am only connected with a few strangers for reasons I've decided with my adult mind are productive and positive. While she uses the temporary account, I'm trying to teach her how to use it safely and responsibly. If she blows it, she might not even get on social media when she is thirteen.

How many 'likes' do you have? And does it really matter?

How about dress code? Having raised an older teen and raising a younger almost teen, the length of shorts is a big issue at my house. The rule at school is to wear fingertip length shorts. It just figures that what's popular are super short shorts. Sierra and I went around and around about this topic when she was in school. She hated all the longer shorts and would decide to wear jeans instead. So that was that. She wore jeans all the time. Zoe doesn't like the longer shorts either, and I know both girls have taken short shorts to change into once they are out of the house. It makes me wonder why do the schools have a dress code if the parents are the only ones enforcing it? Why should my kid feel so much pressure to change into booty shorts because everybody else is wearing them? I'm pretty sure short shorts are an issue because it's been scientifically proven that the more skin you show, the more of a sexual appearance you give off. Schools don't want the boys distracted by the girls showing so much skin. Then you go to the pool or the beach and women are dressed in the equivalent of a bra and underwear and it's ok (except for those Muslim women who have to be covered head to toe-saw some of them here at the beach and I wondered how hot they must be?) To meet her halfway again, I allow her to wear the short shorts anywhere she would also wear a swimsuit. But it's already a topic of conversation - will we let her wear them to school in the fall? My answer is would you wear your bathing suit to school? Nope. So I'm dreading another school year of apparently being the only parent who wants my kid to follow the rules.



These shorts are cute, but they are way shorter than fingertip length.



Who wears short shorts?

      Don't even get me started on the use of cell phones in school. Well ok, just this-the rules say bring your own technology for academic purposes. Teachers are supposed to take up phones that are out for non-academic reasons. So why are kids checking in during math class and posting to instagram with pictures taken in class and even skyping during the day? Why have rules if you're not going to enforce them?



What do you think about cell phones in school?

     Because of the bubba law, we allow Sierra to have drinks sometimes. Apparently it's our decision as the parents, and I look to the European model where wine is usually a part of life and kids are not raised to see it as an evil. She said because we are like that, she felt less of a need to go crazy drinking at college like some of the other students. But if there wasn't a bubba law, I'd be siding with waiting until the legal drinking age although I know that rule gets broken all the time.

Would you like some wine with your meal?

     I even lost my job being a rule follower. I was the only teacher on my team reporting accurate grades (not giving credit for missing work), yet I was forced out because of it. I enforced the school's rules and used the school's discipline system and somehow it was twisted around that since I used it, I obviously couldn't discipline. Dress code? That school had a uniform. Kids could wear black pants but not denim. Every day kids showed up in black denim, and I noticed it. One parent was so frustrated with me he asked to talk to me about it. He said he had three girls at that school and they have six classes a day so that's eighteen times a day they faced their teachers collectively. They all wore the same pants, yet out of eighteen teachers I was the ONLY one noticing it. He was offended that I was personally picking on his kid. I felt horrible for him because I could understand his frustrations. I couldn't speak for the other teachers. It was the same for the missing work problem. I don't make up the news; I just report it. But apparently following rules waves a flag that you're a problem for some reason. I don't get it. Why have the rules if we aren't supposed to follow them? Should teachers model rule breaking to their students?  Do I need to do a better job of letting things slide?  Then you run into a consistency problem.  If you let some things slide but not others, kids don't learn what to expect.  They don't learn that when you choose the behavior, you choose the consequence. 

It's funny that I struggle with this topic because I've been kind of a rebel for most of my life. I've broken lots of rules. I was even arrested for trespassing when I hung off the Triboro Bridge in NYC (with twelve other climbers and many support people) to protest ocean dumping of toxic sludge. I worked for Greenpeace at the time, and they are still famous today for breaking rules or 'bearing witness' in the name of protecting the environment. I don't work for them anymore, but I support them financially and participate in online activism and do volunteer work from time to time. I guess as I've aged and become a parent and a teacher, I have more respect for rules now. But there is a lot of gray area between the black and whites. Sometimes we should follow rules to the letter (like traffic signals) and other times it's ok to break them (like activism). As with many aspects of life, it's hard to strike the balance.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Triboro Bridge, NYC, NY 1988

Stop Ocean Dumping (Greenpeace Action)

Life in Beautiful Places

     I fell in love with the ocean when I was a child. We took trips to Virginia Beach and Ocean City (Maryland) in the summers, and I was the kid you couldn't get out of the water.  I swam like a fish in the pool in the summers and was on the dive team briefly at my neighborhood pool.  I've always felt at home in the water, and as I grew older, I gravitated to the beach.  My friends and I rented beach houses for vacation in high school, and the summer after my freshman year in college (1987) I lived at Virginia Beach and made a living waiting tables and being a 'beach wench' who rented chairs and umbrellas on the oceanfront.  It was a fun lifestyle, but it didn't seem sustainable or the way I wanted to live as an adult, so in the fall I returned to my sophomore year of college back in southwestern Virginia.  It was during those first two years of college that I started rock climbing (in Virginia and W. Virginia) and became close with two friends who completed NOLS semesters.  I wasn't satisfied with the path I was taking in school, so I took my junior year off to explore new horizons.  I started working with Greenpeace in DC and then went to Wyoming to start my NOLS course. 

Virginia Beach at sunset

     Before the course, I had never even camped outdoors.    The next 95 days, we skiied and snowcamped in Wyoming, backpacked and hiked in remote canyons in Canyondlands National Park, Utah, whitewater rafted and kayaked in Colorado, rock-climbed and horsepacked in Wyoming.  After the course, I couldn't stand being back in a city (DC), so I packed up my car and moved to Boulder, CO for the summer and worked for Greenpeace there.  I left in the fall and pursued a college education at an alternative school in Arizona with experiential learning.  Prescott College's motto was "The Southwest is our Classroom."  My education took me to many remote places.  All new students go through a 'wilderness orientation' hiking and backpacking for a few weeks in the Arizona forests and canyons.  I spent block classes skiing in Yellowstone National Park, kayaking around Isla Espiritu Santo (in Baja), and backpacking in the alpine tundra of Colorado.  During other block classes, I conducted a Mexican Spotted Owl Habitat Survey and a Bald Eagle Watch for the National Forest Service.  Situated in the high desert of Arizona, there was ample opportunity for day hikes, mountain bike rides, and day climbing trips.  It was incredible.  In college, I fell in love with mountains.  I also fell in love with wolves and wilderness.  I had dreams of pursuing a career in ecosystem management or wildlife rehabilitation. 

Granite Mountain, Prescott, AZ

Granite Dells, Prescott, AZ

     I was offically a student at Prescott College from 1989-1993, but I also took a year off in the middle (1990-1991) to live in Telluride, Colorado.  It was an experience like nothing I've had before and probably will never have again.  Telluride is a small town located at almost 9000 feet elevation nestled in the majestic San Juan Mountains of southwest Colorado.  The town is surrounded on three sides by almost 14,000 foot peaks, covered by snow for most of the year.  I worked at a bakery as a breakfast and lunch cook, and I lived outdoors like many other young people there at the time.  I was single with no kids, so it worked out fine.  I had a VW bus with a mini-kitchen inside and the top popped up for sleeping (when it was warm enough). Otherwise, I slept on the bed in the back of the bus and when I awoke in the wee hours of the morning being cold, I'd head into the bakery and quickly warmed up with hot tea and baked goods.  I worked through lunch time then had the rest of the day to hike, bike, and enjoy the scenery.  I spent my second summer there living in a tipi with my boyfriend and our five, yes five, dogs (wolf hybrids) up on a gorgeous mesa in the midst of aspen groves.  It was during my time there that I started wondering how in the world people could afford to live in such beautiful places.  There was a culture of people living outdoors there (called 'woodsies').  Working in a tourist town like that, the locals like me didn't make enough money to afford to pay rent much less buy a house there.  The only people I knew who had houses had them because of family money.  They were kind enough to host pot-luck dinners and to let friends use their showers etc.  Otherwise, I showered at the town park at the public showers or at the gym where I was a member.  For that one school year, it was ok.  I loved being in such a beautiful place and was inspired daily by the beauty and magnificence of the mountains.  Words can't describe being above treeline in Colorado.  However, I got bored and wanted to finish my education.  I also didn't want to live outdoors for another winter, so I returned to Prescott College and graduated in 1993. I missed having a house, a hot shower, a real kitchen and bed.  From that point on, I made it my goal to work toward having the stability and comforts of home, but since that time I've also felt conflicted because it seems to make enough money to have a stable life and a nice home, it doesn't always work out with living in a beautiful place.

Telluride, CO

Main Street in Telluride, CO  I worked at the end of this street on the left at Gregor's Bakery and Cafe

     My first child, Sierra, was born just one week before I graduated in 1993.  Her dad still had another year of school to finish, so we stayed in Prescott until he graduated and moved to Durango, CO to start our lives as a family.  He had a job as a river guide, but it didn't last.  I hit rock bottom and was forced to take any job I could get to make some money.  I worked at a movie theater and then as a waitress.  There were no professional jobs in my field (environmental studies) and since I had developed a case of chronic back pain, being an outdoor educator was no longer in the cards for me.  Our marriage quickly dissolved, and I moved back to my mom's house in Virginia and spent the next four years living in her basement, working for Greenpeace again in DC and then getting my master's degree in education.  Still feeling claustrophobic living in the suburbs and working in the city, I moved again, this time to Reno, Nevada to chase a boy and be near the Sierra Nevada mounatins and Lake Tahoe.  Chasing a boy is never a good idea, as was evidenced by our quickly dissolving relationship, but I did meet my husband there  at a gym in Reno.  I worked as a teacher and made just enough money to support me and Sierra and live in an apartment.  We left Nevada in 2001 so Joe could go to law school in DC. 
     I spent my 20s adventuring and exploring, and when I got back to Virginia and got back in touch with some of my high school friends and went to the ten year reunion in 1996, I will admit I didn't like the story I had to tell, and I felt jealous of my friends who had spent their 20s in school and working and had nice houses to show for it.  They might have felt jealous that I had all those amazing experiences, but at the end of the day, they had nice houses and comfortable lives, and I was still struggling in that department.  So, my priorities shifted somewhat then.  I wanted nothing more than to get married again, have more kids, and to secure a stable life in a nice home. 

Reno, NV

     Joe provided all that for me.  He excelled in law school and got a big firm job when he graduated.  I was finally able to be a stay home mom with our son Thomas when he was born in 2004.  We had a townhouse in the DC suburbs but were bursting at the seams with five people living in 1800 square feet.  That when we decided to move to Texas so we could afford a big, single family home.  His law firm was a Texas based firm, so he was able to transfer and since then he's moved to a smaller, medium sized Texas based firm.  We were able to buy twice the house (3500 square feet) for less than what we sold the townhouse for.  I stayed home with Thomas for six years, and I finally feel stable and secure.  But, like the saying goes, money doesn't buy happiness.  I still feel like something is missing, and when I go on vacation I feel like a whole different person.  I think what is missing is the feeling I get from being in a beautiful place.  Dallas, Texas is not really known for being a beautiful place.  It's flat, and there is no ocean anywhere nearby.  There are lakes, but I don't like swimming with snakes and other grody critters that live in muddy brown water.  The closest thing I get to communing with nature is seeing the beautiful sunsets and appreciating the pretty (man made) pond down the street from our house and riding my bike on the (paved) path that follows the creek across our town.  In those moments, I feel some of the same emotions I've had in the past with the wind going through my hair and the hot sun on my skin.  The trees are pretty, and the skies are pretty.  The schools are good and our house is nice.  Joe's job is good.  However, it shows me that as far as my experience goes, it's awfully tough to have both-a good job/nice house, and the opportunity to live in a beautiful place. 

typical view of a neighborhood pond in Texas

     Because of all my aches and pains and (16) surgeries, I'm not longer a hiker, climber, skiier, horsepacker, whitewater anything-er, or mountain biker.  All those things were checked off the list of things I can do because of physical reasons as well as economic reasons.  Living in a beautiful town usually means living in a tourist town.  Jobs are mostly service related and they are seasonal.  I have a family now and have worked hard to provide basics like food, shelter, clothing, health insurance, cars, car insurance, and of course all the extras that kids want/need in their lives.  I can still swim, though, and so our visits to the ocean are the highlight of my year.  I swim in the pool at the gym year round, but there is an entirely different feeling that comes with being near the ocean.  After a 13 hour drive to get here (Destin, FL), I'm amazed at the transformation that takes place inside my head as soon as I step foot on the beach.  The colors are amazing (white sands, clear turqoise waters, and powder blue sky).  The breeze blowing off the beach takes me to another place.  It's salty and sandy, and being in the ocean and looking at the horizon where the sea meets the sky humbles me and reminds me how small I am and how big the earth is.  It reminds me of my place in space, and my spirit feels renewed.  But it only lasts seven days...hence this blog post. 

Perspective:  Use it or Lose it!

     People live here. There are houses and schools and stores. People do get to live in beautiful places.  I just don't understand how to make both things possible in my life.  It seems like I've had to choose one or the other-living in a beautiful place or having a nice home for my kids.  I chose the latter and continue to choose the latter, but that wild woman inside me sure misses feeling close to nature and the passion and exhilaration it stirs inside.  I am thankful that at least I am able to reconnect with this beautiful place even though it's just once a year.  Maybe I will be lucky enough to retire near the ocean and be that salty old lady who lives to be 100 and still goes to the beach.  It seems like the best way to live-having provided a nice life for your kids yet staying inspired, at peace, and in awe of the natural world.

This Mom Loves Her Job

When I was little, I wanted to be a wife and mommy when I grew up. I think it's because I grew up with a single mom and a mostly absent father (who came around just enough to tease me with his presence). Christmas and birthdays would come and go without hearing from dad. When I got upset, my mom explained that Koreans favor boys over girls. It was a helpless feeling, and it made me want to build my own family (including a dad) in which all kids felt equally loved.
Fast forward to today. I'm blessed with three of my own children and one stepson. We didn't find and meet my stepson until he was seventeen, but I love him like he is one of my kids. I was a working mom with both girls, trying to make ends meet while I was a single mom and when Joe went to law school. I decided to stay home with my youngest until he was six and tried going back to work for two years. My middle child was in sixth grade this past year and was coming home alone and being by herself for hours after school. Growing up in VA and teaching there and NV, I'm used to sixth grade being elementary school. But here in Texas it is middle school. There are no after school programs for kids her age, so despite a bad feeling we decided to go with it and let her come home alone. I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say that it didn't work out. She was too young to be unsupervised all that time. She got bored and lonely, and I worked very demanding hours. I was not able to give my attention to my kids the way I would have liked to.
Since I decided to stay home again full time, there is a whole new appreciation for what it means to be a mom full time. In some ways, middle school is just as important a time to be there for your kids as when they are infants and toddlers. Yes they are separating from parents and peers matter more in their immediate worlds. But I've noticed a bigger smile on their faces and how much of the time I had previously spent being 'too busy' to talk or play games or go outside.
I work hard to balance me time with kid time, and the kids are learning to give and take in that department. At the same time, I'm modeling self care and also making it a point to do more fun things together with them. We redid our schedule and chore charts for summer. We have structured learning time and relaxed fun times. We brainstormed a list of things to do together.
I'm pretty sure my bucket (of self esteem) might not have been filled to the brim before I became a mom. That's my focus now, doing a better job of filling my kids' buckets before they are loose in the world. Mean people are everywhere (even in the adult world) and life is never easy. With enough self-love we can learn to rise above whatever struggles might appear. Being a mom is the best and most important job I will ever have!

Pearls on a String

     "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands."  ~Richard Bach

     When things are difficult, we are really learning. Think about it. If everything was easy, would you learn anything? Psychologist Jean Piaget referred to the unsettling feeling of learning something new as "disequilibrium."  When we already know something, we are in a state of equilibrium.  When we learn something new, we are in a state of disequlibrium.  Without disequilibrium, we don't learn anything new.  

Problem:  It was my second year teaching at a new school after returning from a six year hiatus to stay home with my son.   I lasted through the first year and through the transition to a new grade level and principal the second year.  It was the Friday before spring break on my eighth year of teaching, and I had literally just taken a pie to the face in honor of Pi Day coming up on 3/14.  We gave up the scheduled day of curriculum to celebrate Pi and have fun watching brainpop videos about Pi and Einstein and competing in a Pi memorization contest.   I went to the office to file some papers during lunch to meet a deadline, and my principal asked if he could see me. He handed me a copy of a letter and said they weren't going to renew my contract. He said that because I used the school's online discipline system for issues like missing work and dress code and other behavioral infractions, that I was being ineffective and was not motivating my kids to do work.   He also said it was because my teammates didn't think I was 'happy' and that I was not a 'good fit' for the student population. 
     Have you ever been told to do something and then gotten in trouble for doing it? Psychologists call it a double-bind. It's a no-win situation where you are damned if you do, and you are damned if you don't. Although shocked and blindsided, I realized in those moments that I was fighting a monster far bigger than I was. My crime was following directions, yet for some reason I was getting in trouble for it. I hung my head and cried for a few minutes, and decided that if he was putting me in that position, then I quit. I disagreed with the letter as well as the whole process of the team and assistant principals talking about me behind my back and planning to destroy my career without a benefit of a doubt or any willingness to help me in my perceived weak areas. It was clearly personal and political, and it was a bigger, more sinister monster than I wanted to fight. 

Gift:  I walked away with my dignity and integrity knowing I followed directions and worked as hard as I could to be the best math teacher I could be.  I am now able to re-focus my energies on my family and my health and not feel the negative side effects that come from working in a toxic environment.  I know that I forged meaningful relationships with the students and motivated them to work.  If you know me, you know I love math. You know I love science. You know I love kids and teaching.  This negative experience helped me to sharpen my focus and to re-examine my professional philosophies.  It gave me the opportunity to spend time reflecting on the past and how to use past experiences to achieve future dreams.  I will not lower my standards or compromise my integrity for a flawed public school system.  Instead, I will work for myself and focus on teaching math, one-on-one without the interference of a highly politicized work environment.  I do believe that education is the key to success, and that learning never ends.  I still aim to teach kids to love math and to love learning throughout their lives, wherever their strengths may lie.  I am focusing on expanding my private math tutoring business and opening up a website in the future to help kids learn and love math. 

     Why tell this story?  I want to set the record straight that I quit only because they told me I couldn't stay.  If any former students or parents are reading this entry, I want to tell them I did not quit on the kids.  I feel that they lost the most in this experience.  All of the sudden I was gone, and they didn't know why.  I heard from one of my students a few weeks after I left, and she said the administration told my students I quit because I got another job.  I want all the kids and parents to know I did not get another job.  I only left because I couldn't stay, and I didn't know how finish the year when I didn't know what to do day to day.   I want them to know it wasn't because of them; it was because of the staff and administration.  I still believe in the kids, and I still believe in education. I will keep being me and keep doing what I do regardless of whether this particular school wants me or not.  I know who I am - and I know what I'm about, and I won't let this negative experience destroy me.  I will use it as fodder to feed the fuel of my dreams.  These are all pearls (of wisdom) on a string. 

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHIr6OmUfqg
Ryan Adams "Pearls on a String"

My kind of heroine

I am the proud mom of two daughters. One is out of the nest and in college, and the other is a tweenager.  I've been both a working mom and a stay home mom, so I have lived on both sides of the fence.  Raising girls in today's world is a challenging and fulfilling craft.  I learn something new all the time from my experiences with my daughters and want the best for them in their adult lives.  I want them to feel loved and nurtured, yet I also want them to know what challenge and struggle feel like so they can know the sense of pride and accomplishment that comes with facing adversity and rising up out of figurative ashes.  When it's their turn to be mothers, I want them to have happy memories of their childhoods and a strong sense of themselves so they can shine as individuals as well as give their utmost love and devotion to their families.  There is no "handbook" for raising daughters, but I love this list of rules for mothers with daughters:  It actually brought tears to my eyes as I read it.

http://diapersdaisies.blogspot.com/2012/01/rules-for-mothers-of-daughters.html

Today, I braided my ponytail since it's in style, and I couldn't help but think of Katniss, the heroine from the latest movie and book craze, the Hunger Games.  Her character is introduced as a hunter in the woods in a post apocolyptic world.  She is from a coal mining district, wears modest clothing, and sports braids in many scenes throughout the movie.  To me the braids make her seem stronger, perhaps it's the idea of weaving three sections of hair together to make a stronger mane.  Three is the magic number, the holy trinity, faith hope and charity, tripods stand strong, tricycles are sturdy.  I braided my hair and thought of the qualities of a strong woman.  In today's society where technology is ubiquitous, girls have so many heroines in the media.  When I was a little girl, we only had one tv in the house, and classic princess stories and Barbies were my main female role models.  I've seen heroines change over the years and have been happy to see the emergence of strong, confident, smart female roles. 

Katniss from the Hunger Games is the most contemporary heroine I admire.  She volunteers to take her little sister's place in a fight to the death even though she is scared for her own life.  She is smart, humble, and true to herself.  She doesn't get involved with the initial bloodbath.  She takes her mentor's advice and finds high ground and seeks water. She uses her intelligence to outwit her competitors and plays to her strength, which is shooting with a bow and arrow.  Ironically, it's her willingness to risk the ultimate sacrifice and stand up to the rules of the game that changes the ending of the story.  She shows solidarity with the final competitor and saves his life.   She is strong and beautiful and smart, trifecta!

Hermione Granger is my next favorite heroine.  She is also one smart cookie.  Her character in the Harry Potter series is frequently studying and always knows the answers, both in class and to help solve whatever problem they find themselves facing.  She shows that education pays off and that knowledge is power.  She also shows that young ladies can be intelligent and beautiful and that it is possible for a boy and a girl to have a quality friendship.  She is daring and confident and keeps her cool in the most precarious situations. 

Disney started branching away from the stereotypical princess-waiting-for-a-prince theme first with Pocahontas and then with Mulan.  Both heroines struggle with family honor and loyalty. Both heroines risk their lives to be true to themselves.  Both heroines trust their intuition even when it's a different path than what is expected of them.  The Disney version of Pocahontas wasn't historically correct, but it adopted the story of saving her man's life (John Smith in the movie, John Rolfe in history).  Her father was the chief and John was captured and was going to be killed, so she put herself in between John.  She was one of the original activists, and I'm proud to note that my great grandmother was a geneologist and traced our family tree, finding that we are descendents of her only son Thomas Rolfe.  She shows us that we should take a stand for what we know is right.  She also shows us a deep connection with nature.  Mulan doesn't want her father to go off to war, so she pretends she is a boy and becomes a soldier to bring honor to her family.  She shows how to be respectful and loyal to your family.  She shows how to be brave, take risks, and to face her fears.  She shows how sometimes, it's important to put the welfare of others above that of your own.

Cut to some of my least favorites, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.  Cinderella goes from an unhappy, overworked, girl of little means to a lavish lifestyle as a princess.  Why? Is it because she went to school and worked hard to earn all of her possessions?  Was it because she made goals and took steps to reach them? No, it was because she snuck out, went to a ball, and caught the eye of Prince Charming.  He fits the lost shoe on her foot and presto, he wisks her off her feet into happily ever after land.  Sleeping Beauty and Snow White are pretty much the same story, minus the ball and the glass slipper.  They are both put under spells by evil characters and lay in repose for eternity until kissed by Prince Charming.  The magic kiss brings her back to consciousness and they ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after.  However, no kiss, no man, no happily ever after.  They are basically dead without a man.  What kind of lesson does that teach our daughters?

Speaking of dead without a man, Bella Swan from the Twilight series.  She is the most do-nothing heroine I have ever met.  She seriously does nothing other than fantasize and hallucinate about Edward and stare out the window in a deep depression when he leaves her.  Her whole life is wrapped up in a dead, cold vampire.  Very much alive Jacob is her best friend and is the opposite of Edward. He is in her life day to day. Edward leaves her broken hearted.  He's a werewolf, and naturally there is a rivalry between the boys for Bella's affections.  She is too lost in Edward to see the value of what is right in front of her, and she eschews Jacob in pursuit of becoming a vampire wife and mom.  She zones out at school and in life and in the end, she gives up her life for a male character.  Her life is worth nothing without a boy. That's not the lesson I want to teach my girls. 

Don't let life happen to you

Grab the buffalo by the horns

Ride the crest of the wave