Friday, November 26, 2010

“The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.”  ~Tom Bodett


How true is this statement?  School prepares us for life. It teaches us how to learn. Life teaches us whether we like it or not. We learn lessons, ready or not.    What lessons is life teaching you?

I'm learning to juggle work and home, wondering if there is a middle ground between lonely, bored housewife and overwhelmed working mom.  Since I started working full time in August until this week, my new job has completely consumed my life.  Having this week off for Thanksgiving gave me some time to come up for air. It took a few days to get the house clean. I'm still going through unopened mail and balancing my bank account.  I'm making phone calls, fitting in doctors' appointments, and running errands.  I'm catching up on my favorite tivo shows, playing guitar, cooking, and reading.  I'm enjoying the company of my kids and the changing of the seasons.  It's hard to believe the holidays are upon us again, but it's true.  In just a few short weeks, we will be in Reno celebrating Christmas with Joe's family.



Sunday, November 14, 2010

We are not the same. I am a martian.

WEEZY F BABY is free, and I'm ready for some new music! :)

Monday, August 9, 2010

Change Happens

How many times have you wanted to freeze time? When you look into your baby's eyes or when it's the last day of vacation when life is so sweet you never want it to change, you wish that things could always stay the same so you don't lose the feeling you have at the moment.  But try as you may, time marches on.  Babies grow, you always have to go back to work after vacation, summer turns into fall, trees lose their leaves and the landscape becomes barren.  Hair turns grey, skin wrinkles, hard bodies turn soft.  Waves come in and they go out.  Rivers flow.  Mountains erode.  Animals evolve.  People you love die, and life goes on.  Change happens.

On the flipside, when life gets hard and things seem as bad as they can get, you wonder if they will ever improve. You wonder if you will ever feel better or if circumstances will ever change.  The grass is always greener somewhere else.  One of life's challenges is to learn to go with the flow, to embrace the ever changing nature of the world and our lives.  When things are bad, they have to get better, and when they are good, you wonder when something bad will happen.  One thing you can be sure of is that tomorrow is a new day.  Change will happen.

I'm reflecting on the changes I've been through and the changes I'm about to make.  I morphed from a high school and college student into an environmental activist working for Greenpeace.  I got married and got divorced, becoming a single mom.  I got my master's degree and got remarried and taught school for six years while raising two daughters.  When we considered having a third child, I proclaimed I would only agree if I could be a stay home mom.  It was already far too stressful working all day and then coming home to two children, a tutoring job, and a house to run.  Joe finished law school and scored a great job at a large firm in DC, making it possible for me to stay home.  I thought life would be paradise.  I remember thinking I could go to Starbucks anytime, go to the gym, go shopping, essentially live like a princess.  I envisioned the stereotypical sitting around eating bon bons scenario.  When Thomas first arrived, it was wonderful not to have to work.  I enjoyed the peace and quiet during the day and was able to nap and be on his schedule.  As the years went by however, it started to get old.  As Thomas got bigger and more independent, I started to get bored and lonely.  I started looking for ways to fill my time since I had some extra time on my hands.  I played a season of adult soccer and took a College Algebra class at the local community college.  I published my dad's book.  I tutored math part time at home.  Much to my surprise, most moms I knew worked, so my days became full of doing dishes and laundry and paying the bills and cleaning the house.  Where did my princess paradise go?  Thomas and I did some fun things together, but I found more and more I was missing adult relationships and was losing touch with my professional identity.  Because I wasn't getting up and going to work every day, I got used to the sporty look, you know, pulling your hair up in a ponytail and being ready for a workout at the gym.  I started getting snide comments from pretentious women about my appearance.  They didn't seem to understand how or why I would be ok being seen in public without makeup and my hair done perfectly wearing shorts and a t-shirt.  I've always felt pretty strong inside and even though I was taken aback by such rude comments, I tried to remind myself I live in Texas where being pretentious seemed to be in fashion.  Besides feeling like a sore thumb surrounded by some rude barbies, I experienced frustration in other areas as well.  Joe tried to warn me not to play soccer because I would get hurt, but I didn't listen.  He was right. I got hurt.  I rolled my ankle running full speed then reinjured it later doing high kicks with Sierra, tearing a ligament all the way off the bone and tendons on both sides.  I had two surgeries to fix my ankle and two more to fix torn cartilege in my knee as a result of the ankle injuries.  I also had my appendix removed.  That's four surgeries in the four years we've lived in Texas.  I passed my College Algebra class with a B after a lot of hard work and met some new friends only to lose one of them in a tragic car accident.  My dad's book was a success as was my tutoring business, but my kids hated it when I tutored.  I worked Mon-Thurs after school from 4-6pm, and my kids resented the fact that as soon as they came home I disappeared behind a closed door and told them not to interrupt me.  They didn't care that was the way I made money.  They just wanted my time.

Now, Thomas is about to start kindergarten (full day) and I am so thankful I found a job teaching 7th grade math.  My life is about to change all over again.  I start full time on Wednesday.  I know the grass won't be the greenest and nothing is ever perfect, but I do think it's time I get back into society and use my education and skills and talents again in a professional setting.  I worked really hard to get my master's degree and am a licensed, experienced teacher who is capable of touching kids' lives.  My kids will be gone all day at school while I'm gone all day teaching, and when I get home I will be available to them.  I can help kids learn to love math and still have summers and vacations with my own kids.  I'm not sure how I will juggle all the work and responsibilities, but I feel I am making the right move. 

There are many moments in my past where I wish I could have frozen time.  There are many times I wish I could go back to and change, especially those moments where I lost someone dear to me.  But I realize that's not possible.  Life moves on.  Things happen, whether for a reason or not.  I realize now that all I have is today, this moment.  The past is gone and tomorrow hasn't happened yet, so all I can really focus on is now.  And what I want to do now is be the best I can be.  I want to use every moment from my past to touch the lives of the future.  I want to pour my love and energy into the people who matter the most to me, my husband and kids.  I know that everything can change in an instant, and for now I should be grateful.

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Beach


Beach Week is here... it's the one week a year we all look forward to. Joe took a week off work, I cleared my and the kids' schedules, and we packed up the van for a road trip to South Padre Island, TX. Our original reservation was for Destin, FL, but we cancelled due to the oil leak that is affecting the shores in FL. It's day 60 or something of the spill, and there's no end in sight. At least it hasn't reached the shores here yet. Our gulf view is of a wide expanse of blue water for as far as the eye can see, separated at the horizon splitting the hue into the lighter, more powdery blue of the sky. Brown pelicans and seagulls fly overhead, lucky birds who have yet to be drenced in black poison. For today and for this week, it seems they and we are in luck and can still enjoy the coastline.


I forgot how much my skin loves the sea. When we arrived, I was rashy and itchy, and now just two days into our stay, the salt water has soothed the spots and rough skin has sloughed off like my cares melted away when I rested in the afternoon sun. When I felt the sand between my toes, it was like reuniting with a long lost friend. As we approached the beach, I could feel a heavy sigh exhaling out of my lungs and my cares drifting lightly away in the seabreezes. The warmth of the sun stung my skin and soothed my soul. Time to relax....headed to a nice spot, put down our stuff, then jumped in the water like a kid again, bobbing in the waves, letting the water gently lift me up and push me down like a toy.


After some time, the peace was suddenly interrupted when I heard Joe calling me. "Susanne, come here! Hurry!" I saw him holding Thomas and Thomas was crying. Joe had that look on his face that he has when something is wrong and he doesn't know what to do. I treaded through the water and it felt as heavy as mud, dragging with every step I took. I was trying to hurry, but I had to fight the current. Then I saw the blood coming out of Thomas's nose and my heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach.


"What happened?" I said, with thoughts of broken bones and head injuries going through my mind. "Dear God please let him be ok" I thought to myself. Sure enough, he was crying, so I knew he could breathe and was conscious.


"He got crashed in a wave face first!" Joe answered, still several feet away.


We swiftly took him to the towels and chairs and sat him down to take a look. A few wipes with the beach towel, and thank goodness the bleeding stopped. I checked his eyes for signs of head injury. Nope they looked equal and reactive to light. He was answering my questions. When I looked into his nose, thank goodness, it was just coming from a cut, nothing more serious! I asked him where it hurt, and he pointed to his precious little nose and the skin between it and his baby lips. "Wight hewe" he said in between crying.


I gladly packed up my son and our stuff and retreated to the condo for some ice, AC, and some TLC from mommy. He was bruised and a little swollen, but mother nature spared our boy again, thank God. I guess we all have memories of being pounded like dirty laundry by the waves into the sand. You learn in an instant that mother nature is the boss and that while she may let you play on her shores, if you aren't careful, in an instant you can be crushed just like the rocks its pounding forces have changed into sand.


Back in the water today, I had the feeling of release, of total surrender to the magnificent forces which are obviously much stronger than I could ever dream of. My favorite thing to do in the water is just float on my back and be carried by the waves. Close second is going out beyond where they are breaking and jumping up and down as they pass by. Just as I'm enjoying the ocean's ride, Zoe asks if I want to play a game called jello. She explains all you have to do is jump up when a wave comes then go limp and float like jello, "Just let the wave take you wherever it wants to take you." Hmmm I was just thinking that, small world! Funny how the 10 year old mind can perceive the power of the ocean and turn it into a cute game.


Being on vacation brings our family closer together. We play chess and scrabble, and we color pictures of what we see during the day. We eat meals together and laugh and play together. Nobody has a schedule, and there is no pressure on anyone other than to hurry up and get sunscreened so we can going out to the beach! My senses come alive with the salty water and air, the sounds of the birds and the waves, the feel of the sun's warmth and the gritty sand and the cool, luxurious water, and the brilliant blue green of the sea juxtaposed against the burning hot sand. For just one week, we can forget about the stresses of every day life and enjoy ourselves in a beautiful place. Hopefully we can bring this feeling back to help us get through the next 52 weeks!




Tuesday, June 1, 2010

June has arrived

If it seems that my blog is monopolized by the subject of ALLERGIES, well that is because I suffer from a zillion allergies and they monopolize my world. Besides being a mom and tutor, I am pretty much the queen of allergies. It seems like I am always one step behind them too, trying to figure out what is it that is causing my symptoms now?? The past few nights have been awful, waking up with that roof of the mouth/sinus/deep inside my ears/head itching that won't go away. My eyes are crusty in the corners. I have hives on my arms and legs. My lips itch. I can't stop sneezing lately.

For the environmental stuff (dust, dust mites, trees/grasses, molds, cats, mildew etc.) I give myself two shots in the legs just about every week. I take allegra and use nasonex. For the chemical allergies (fragrances and 4 pages of chemicals) I try avoiding everything although that's pretty hard with people spraying sunscreen and perfume and don't get me started on guys who wear too much cologne. Foods? Well I know I'm allergic to corn and wheat and sugar since corn is related to cane sugar. I think I'm allergic to yeast but I don't want to admit it because I love wine and yeast is used in wine making. I think that's my next step - eliminate wine for two weeks. That should make life more interesting right?

It sure must be nice to be a normal person who doesn't have to worry about any of these things...

Today is June 1. The kids get out of school at lunch time on June 3. Time flies. Ready for summer!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Helpful Links for Corn Allergies

http://www.cornallergens.com/list/corn-allergen-list.php

http://www.cookingallergyfree.com/allergens/allergen_listing/corn_allergy

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Mariah Carey Ft. Jay-Z, Akon & Lil Wayne - Bye Bye (Threemix)


TODAY'S GUITAR LESSON
I love this song, especially this remix! Figured out the chords and key, working on improvisation.